Black Horse Chapter Closed

“We all want everything to be wonderful. Every woman wants to sit upon a horse dressed in bells and go riding off through the boundless green and sensual forest.
~Clarissa Estes

Abby is gone. This makes me sad.

The quote at the top of the post, which I found in a big huge book of horse quotes I just bought, seems to really fit the situations with Abby. I had been told by almost everyone how beautiful she was. She was gorgeous! I even had perfect strangers tell me that women buy horses like Abby for romantic reasons. This might very well be true. The few ride I had on Abby made me think of brave knights riding off to fight dragons.

Although I did develop a good relationship with Abby, there was always a little romance dancing in the back of my mind. Big beautiful black mare with a flowing mane and a high stepping gait. I could watch and marvel at her for hours.

Abby is now with a nice family that Sensei knows. She is going to have a job and be used for what she was bred to do, drive. The wife, of course, just thinks she is beautiful and fell in love with her. She is still in the area too. Although Sensei is knows where she is, I don’t.

It is all for the best. That chapter has closed. A new exciting one is starting. Corrie will be coming home soon.

Honest vs Honorable

Lisa from Laughing Orca Ranch left a really heart wrenching reply to my last post. Check out her story of the bucking horse.

I think she brought up a really good point. Not all horses are honorable. I know that horses can tell who their rider is, they seem to even be able to tell when they have a filly or colt on their back. They know kids and novices. Some are really nasty with kids, while others will babysit. Who doesn't know a pony that would take off as soon as look at you when they had a kid on their back.

When Sensei was working with Kinsey and she was being such a witch I said in her defense, "She is just a horse." He replied, "She has choices." He has repeated this with other horses too. That a horse has choices about how they handle situations was really a bit of a mind bend for me. I never really thought about that before, but they do! A horse can chose her attitude same as a human. She can chose to be snotty or peaceable. Oh sure we will blame how they were trained or treated. Yet, to point out Lisa again, her mare is a perfect example, a horse can chose to be forgiving and work with humans. (I hope she doesn't me me using Apache as an example)

Apache reared with her last owner and has had some other issues। She never did any of that with Lisa। Apache was ridden in a Tom Thumb and her teeth where bad. Lisa fixed those as soon as she could, but even before all the fixes Apache had been wonderful with Lisa. Since the issues have been fixed, Apache as been as good as gold and better. Could this mare have decided that she was not going to trust humans? Sure. She could have turned sour and taken to all kinds of horrible vices. Again, I से,

Another horse I know is as close to saintly as a gelding can be. He is a great horse, and my first rides on him he was as careful as he could be. I mean this horse was serious about not taking a wrong step with me. To the point that he looked lame walking because he was just going so slow and deliberate. Yet I saw this exact same horse being ridden by his former owner. You have never seen such a turn around. Saintly ol' boy was down right snotty. He even tried to bite his former owner on the leg as she was riding. It was actually quite funny!

I read a number of blogs and bulletin boards. I read about lots of people's relationships with their horses. Some I just want to shout, "why are you still with this horse?" Honestly some of us let our horses treat us so badly and yet we would never tolerate this from another human.

I'll admit it, I have boundary issues. Again, Corrie points these weakness out. So does Abby actually, which is why Sensei says she is such a bad match for me. I can't keep her away from me, I want her near. This is a recipe for disaster with a horse as large as Abby. With Corrie, I can work on it. Yet both Abby and Corrie are honorable horses. Neither has ever tried to hurt me.

Abby will let me stand next to her and hang all over her, she stands quietly and carefully. Today I was just grooming her, (I know I know I should just stay away). She had gunk all over her back leg. I was working really hard to get it all off. The flies were bad and bothering her but she never lifted a hoof in defense when I was near. I would try to be sensitive to this and back off too. I also sprayed her. Although at one point something startled her. Now I was standing wrapped around her hind leg trying to clean it all up. Abby spooked in place, never putting me in harms way. She easily could have kicked out but didn't. She will, from time to time take advantage if she really wants to.

To point, I found a horse that will not take advantage of me to the point that either of us will get hurt. Corrie will let me know that I am blurring boundry lines, but she does not straight out take advantage of me.

Abby. . . I miss you

Abby is still at Sensei's. She has made some friends her size. In particular that little haffie mare next to her. No that is not Corrie. She had a fling with the perchie clyde on the end too. Unfortunately she does not have a good influence on those guys and they are getting hard to catch and is very bonded to the haffie.

I admit that I still just adore her. I love to watch her in the field. Sensei drove her the other day and I just wanted to climb up with him. She was not the best, but she has been driven before. She was so beautiful in harness. I just watched her going around.

I do occasionally go out to that field and pet her. Tell her that everything is going to be okay and she is going to find a great home. When I do that I am in awe of how big she is. So much different than Corrie. She is just huge. She knows it too and is just a bit pushy about it. Not meanly pushy, but still pushy.

She had someone come to look at her last weekend. She was on her best behavior, I'm told. Rode really well for a guy Sensei has do some riding work. Then the buyer's trainer didn't want to get on. Why? Who knows but probably just because she is so huge. She is such a big girl!

I am so sad to not have Abby anymore. I really want to bring her home, but she is not going to do anything here but eat a lot. Even though she pulls at my heartstrings, sometimes it is better to let the past go. I could not be doing all that I am if I still had her. I just have to remember that this is the best thing for the both of us.

One important step: Find a trainer

*WARNING* This is a long post.
In Jillian Micheal's book on weight loss she says that you need a support base of: a partner in crime, a mentor, and a fan. Same can apply to any behavioral change your trying to make. This post is about the mentor. It has been something I have wanted to blog about for awhile. I think that getting a trainer is the second most important thing I did to start the journey of getting over fear, yet it took me forever to do it. The first was to change my mindset to be more positive. After that I think finding a trainer I could work with has been priceless. It may be costing me a pretty penny, but I am riding again.

Sensei was not the first trainer I tried though.

I did find one great trainer a few years ago, but she had some issues of her own to deal with. So while it was great in lessons the rest of the time it was like dealing with a time bomb. She did teach me so much about getting a better seat. She also gave me lot of back handed complements. Like telling me that while other people would say I was too heavy to ride, she would work with me because she though I rode well. Or that I shouldn't worry about my large calves because that was the way I was and even though most people want thin calves, I would never have them but that was okay. Well I never was upset about the size of my calves until after that conversation. I stayed with her for as long as I could because she knew her stuff about biomechanics and was helping in that area so much. Finally it was too much though.

I left her just after I bought Abby. I actually would have never bought Abby if I had known I would lose my trainer. At that point though, I sort of thought I was well on my way and could handle Abby on my own. Besides she had ingrained it in my head that I was so heavy no other trainer would work with me. I was terrified of looking for another one. FYI I am what they call painfully shy.

So with the idea that nobody would work with me on their horse and having no way get my horse to someone or a place to have someone work with me at my place I was stalled for a few years.

During that time I was searching for someone to teach me to drive. I could not find anyone. I would ask around, talk to people who did drive, and nobody in my area taught driving. Or at least that is what I thought. Now just before I bought Kinsey I had gone to look at a very short and ornery Haflinger. I also did a little research about the breed. Wading through the mire of information on the net, I found Sensei. I did not call him then. *kicks self in butt*

Getting the boat load of trouble called Kinsey, I had about given up the idea of riding all together. Horses will be part of my life though, and I wanted to give driving another chance. So finally I did something smart. I called Sensei. Shyness almost won over and if I were not so desperate it really may have won, but I picked up the phone and called.

For driving lesson mind you, nothing else. I was NOT going to take riding lesson from a western guy even if he would let me ride his little horses, something that I highly doubted anyway. Well you know the rest of the story from there. I started driving and then starting sitting on a horse. Finally riding, now I have Corrie. Just goes to show that you can definitely get help from outside your chosen discipline.

If it were not for Sensei I would not be so happy riding again. I would be sitting with two horses I could not do anything with and missing out on riding for yet another summer. Getting a trainer was pivotal.

For the past three years I have been wanting to ride. I have been making little attempts at riding. I have been working, sort of, with my horses. Nothing came to pass because I needed that outside pair of eyes to help me get to my goal. Okay another true confession, I have ADD.

Look a pretty little pony:



See?



I get distracted by this idea and the next. I forget where I am going and end up at the start again. I have done this over and over again. That is one HUGE help that Sensei has given me. When I go out to the barn with some crazy idea, he takes me by the shoulders and turns me back to the goal.

Oh yeah a big pretty pony that I can ride and drive. I remember where I am going now.


That is something that a good trainer should be able to do. Help you find your goals and then stick to the path that takes you there. Weekly I would hear questions about getting my shafts for my cart, ground driving Ike, selling Abby and Kinsey, and other things I had to do to get on the right path for me.

Some of those decisions were really hard to make, like selling Kinsey and Abby. It about tore my heart. I really needed that objective person to help me move on from that point where I had horses that I could not use and were not suited for me at all to finding them good homes so that I could move on to a horse that is much more suited for me. It really has been very liberating.

Not any trainer could have or would helped me through all that. Not every trainer is suited to every student. I told you about one nightmare trainer that was actually good at training, but not as general person. Several years before her I hired a British guy who scammed me out of a lot of money. He seemed knowledgeable about horses in the beginning, but later said some odd things. I would blame odd information on that the fact that he was British. He is actually partly to blame for my fear. Those are the only two trainers I tried to have help me but they really put a bad taste in my mouth about getting help. That doesn't mean though that their aren't great trainers out that that still would not have been right for me. Keep looking until you do find one that you can work with.

So I understand how hard it is to find a good trainer. It isn't easy. I was so gun shy before Sensei. I did not even trust Sensei for a few months. Driving he was knowledge about, but I was not so sure about the riding part. Turns out that he is incredibly knowledge about about horse and people. My first few ground driving lessons were pretty easy stuff. Once we got out in the cart, I think he knew that I just needed to be working with the horse to work through my fear. We did a lot of talking, joking, and teasing. Probably because I was so tense. It was over time that I started to trust him and the horse. So give yourself a few lesson to get to know each other.

It is vitally important to trust your trainer. If you don't feel you can trust him, find one that you can. Especially if you are overcoming fear. You are hiring this person to help you work though some truly scary emotions. A lesson for a person overcoming a fear is very different than a learning to ride/drive lesson. Sensei did not push anything on me, unlike a normal lesson where a good trainer should be pushing you. Or maybe I should say that he was much more subtle about it. He is always waiting for me to make the first move, yet at the same time introducing me to new situations. I was nervous at times but trusted he wouldn't put me in a situation I couldn't handle.

As I get more confident he pushes more, but again that is how it should be. He puts little challenges out there for me. Both to work through on my own with Corrie and in lessons. He still realizes I have issues though. Now that I am feeling more confident, it does not mean that I don't still have fear. I think he realizes that more than I do, he has worked with a lot of people with fear issues. I sometimes think I can go out and do try something new and he will tell me to wait a bit more. Or more often shake his head when I tell him what I did and then tell me to wait a bit.

Trainers are there to be objective and sometime give you a reality check. You need to trust this person. And they need to be knowledgeable enough to be worthy of that trust, again, especially if you have fear issues.

Oh but don't think that I am saying you shouldn't question this person. I think Sensei would be very disappointed in me if I didn't question him to some extent. I want to know why. I don't just assume that he knows what he is talking about, likewise he asks me to explain why I do what I do. I think it is a huge red flag when a trainer doesn't like to be questioned or can't tell you why they are doing something. I am getting better about asking question if I don't understand.

And this maybe one reason that I really like Sensei. He does question me about what I do. Everything I do and rarely excepts an answer of "I don't know." At least not without a follow up lecture as to why it should or should not be done. If I can justify myself, even if it is different than how he does it, it's all good. I am sure that there are some that that would drive them batty.

Which is why you need to find a trainer that works for you. One that you can get along with. Your trainer maybe completely different than mine, but as long as she is knowledgeable, trustworthy, objective, and someone you can work with to meet your goals your on the right path. Just try to find someone and don't give up if the first one doesn't work.

I really wanted to share this because in my journey finding the right trainer has been vital to my success and will continue to be. I did not realize how important that one choice was going to be. Sensei is still going to be there through a whole lot more with me. Getting so I can drive Corrie on my own, bringing her home and driving her around here, going for a trail ride, cantering, and building a good solid relationship with Corrie so that I am not fearful to do all the above things. I know that my journey is far from over but I have a mentor for this journey.

The perfect horse . . .

. . . for me.

At the Carriage Classic this weekend I saw lots of beautiful horses. A hackney horse that just took my breath away. Such beautiful movement! I read my dressage magazines and blogs and look at the big bold warmbloods with huge movement and I drool. Then the exotic breeds always catch my eye: Fjord, Marwari, Andalusians, Gypsy, and Frisian. All these breeds have some draw for me. Even the colorful buckskins and paints make me look twice. Looking for a new horse opens up all the different possibilities of what to own.

Watching the beautiful hackney this weekend I had an epiphany. That horse was so hot and sensitive, he was beautiful to watch. I don't want a horse like that. Other horses were so large and powerful looking, why I thought I needed a big horse I don't know. Still others are still so rare that the price tag on them is beyond my budget. Someone very wise told me that those horses are beautiful to watch and that is just what I should do, watch them, not own them. At the end of the day the horse that really made me look twice was the little haffie that took his driver around the ring and won the class: calmly, sanely, and safely.

Ya' all are smart. Ya know where this is going! Ya know that my heart is being taken by Corrie, a lil Thelwell pony. I gave Sensei a check, so she will be mine at the end of the month. Why wait, I mean I don't think I could find a more perfect horse for me. For every behavior that drives Sensei nuts, I find it totally endearing. She has a normal marish attitude and will do what you want, but holds out just a tiny bit. Cracks. me. up! Nor do I think that I could find a horse that I have as much confidence in, yet still offers me a bit of a challenge.

Here is my first mention of her, and it sums her up so well:
"I drove Corrie. She is a nice mare, but not the most cooperative. She has a bit of a stubborn streak. If you ask her to move up she will take one step with her front feet, but refuse to move her back. She really cracks me up! I actually like her."

I thought about checking out horses on the internet and traveling around to look at them in the surrounding states but all I could hope to get from that would be a snap shot in time. I would not be able to see the horse in different situations and try the horse out over several weeks or months. Horses can differ from day to day, in rain, heat, wind, etc. Since I really wanted a very specific kind of horse, I didn't think that that method of finding a horse was going to work for me. Plus I really didn't have the confidence to try out all those horses. It has only been eight months since I broke my wrist and about six months since I started working with Sensei, four since I started riding.

It is only with Corrie's help that I actually have started making a lot of progress. I need a horse like her to go out and fool around with. To just ride. Oh sure, she is not perfect. She loves food more than life itself. She can be a little lookie when driving and riding. She can be a bit of a plug if you let her. Then she spooks at who knows what. When she gets frustrated or tired her head becomes a 2 tons weight and she can't hold it up. None of it really scares me though.

On the plus side, I have worked with Corrie for at least 3 months. I have been driving her in lessons and for the past month, as you know, riding her. She has all the basics for riding and driving. Some of the parts need to be put together but the foundation is awesome. I have seen her in wind, cold, wet, and heat. I have ridden her inside and outside. I have driven her down the road and around traffic. Another huge plus is that someone who has seen me riding recently and understands what some of my strengths and weaknesses are and knows Corrie and what her strengths and weaknesses are thinks that we would be well matched.

So she is mine. Not going to be a dressage star, but going to be a good minded mount to ride and drive around the neighborhood. Any horse can do lower level dressage as long as they are sound, and she is sound. Not any horse could make me feel safe and she does.

What about Abby? Well Abby is going to be traded to Sensei so he can train her and find a good home for her. He does a good job of matching up people and horses. I think that this is the best thing for her, I can't do what he can. I can't pay him for all the training he is going to give her. I think this is the best shot she has at a good future. In exchange he is giving me a great deal on a wagon and harness. I just have to say that Sensei is the bomb and I really owe him a lot. He really has helped me get my life with horses back.

Inavertant Learning

Whenever you are with your horse you are training. Oh yeah, how many times have we read or been told that. It makes sense, I am sure that we all agree with that statement.

But what are we training our horses to do?

Well I realized the other day that I have taught my horses something I never intended to.

Okay let me explain. I have a dry lot that my horses are in for the night and at least half the day, none of them needs that much grass. Then I open the gate and they run off to the pasture to gorge themselves on grass, roll and run. In the evening I take a little stroll out to the pasture and herd them back up. Often they see me coming and just run off to the dry lot. They know the drill. I don't normally turn them out until I have worked them or I work them after they have had fun in the sun. I'm too lazy I guess.

Abby is at R's where he has a very similar, although much nicer, set up. So I went out to get her the other day. She would not be caught but instead allowed herself to be herded up to the dry lot area and I caught her with ease. I thought it was a bit odd. I had not made the connection yet, but the next day when we went through the same routine it dawned on me. Oh My Gosh, I just taught my horse not to be caught in the pasture.

It is just a matter of routine, I never gave it much thought. Arg.

This and That

I want to thank everyone for their comments. Ya all really mean so much to me and I love hearing your feedback! I really am treading carefully with this purchase. I don't want another disaster, like Kinsey, or even just an inappropriate horse for me, like Abby. I want to think and digest. That is one of the draws of Corrie. I can get used to her and see if she will really start to come along or it will be a dead end.

I did talk to R, who owns Corrie, and I am able to ride her if I just let him know. So this might work out for awhile. She is not really being use for much right now. Pretty easy horse to drive and not a horse to really give lesson on for riding because she is so green. Ironic isn't it that a green horse gives me confidence? I think Golden Pony Girl really hit the nail on the head. She is not perfect, but I feel perfectly safe on her. I look forward to riding her next. I already have plans in my head, which is a wonderful feeling. I know what I want to work on, keeping rhythm at the walk. It is nice to get on a horse and think, "I can handle this problem" AND having a safe place to do it. When I first got Abby I could handle her, but I did not have a safe place to work with her.
As for Abby, she is doing rather nicely with the trainers. I watched her being worked on the ground and under saddle. Abby gave them a little attitude and I thought, yup, don't want to fight with a 2000 lb horse that has even little temper tantrums, especially under saddle. She is too big to have little fits, I don't think I am physically strong enough to deal with that. Which is unfortunate because I would really love to keep her.

As has happened in the past when I tried to sell her, everyone is in love with her looks and calls about her, but nobody really wants a horse that big in the end. She is beautiful to look at, actually has nice gaits for a draft horse, but is big. Otherwise they want me to give her to them for free. Which I don't understand at all.

So I am going to be able to ride more than once a week, but I am not sure what I am doing over all. Abby either needs to stay at R's which is what I have been planning on doing or coming home. I feel like I'm in a much better place than even a month ago though. I have options.

What a wonderful sucky day

Oh I am smiling as I write that, but at the same time my heart is breaking.

I had Abby in the round pen yesterday. She walked, trotted, cantered for me. She stopped, did inside turns in and in general just did everything I asked. Then I took her into the arena and again, followed me around, turned on the fore hand, turned on her hind quarters, back and followed me. She just did everything I asked. She was wonderful.

Damn it!

It makes it hard to keep her up for sale, but as I tried to gazed over her back, loved on her and almost got my foot stepped on, I know she it too big for me. Yet I really want to ride her. Maybe one last time? Am I crazy to want to try and ride the horse that is associated with the only broken bone in my entire family?



Today I had an asthma attack when I went out so I didn't do as much. I got the video. I also got a really low offer on Abby. Trade for a saddle. I honestly would like a western saddle. I honestly am not sure I want trade Abby for one. I think she is worth much more than that, but at the same time the woman sounded like a good match for Abby and the longer I keep her the longer I have to pay board on her.

* * *
Well all make mistakes, and there is a price to pay for those mistakes. Mine is more ground work. Now don't get me wrong, I know how important ground work is. I am just getting sick to death of doing ground work, I have been doing it for years. Now that I am getting so much more confident I want to ride and I want to drive.

I messed Ike up. I had him try to pull too much weight too soon and now he is getting balky. So it is back to almost square one. We we'll call it square two. He is pulling the empty sled. I started adding light things to it as I walked around the yard, but not the barrel that he used to pull. Which means that when I get the shafts it may still be awhile before I actually get to drive while sitting in it.

We also are working on driving by scary things, like the blue recycling bin and the little flags in the yard to mark where we have phone lines. Ya know those things from Diggers Hotline. Well we were getting pretty good at the bin and Ike figure out how to handle the flags, he bit them and pulled them out. I guess that works.

Riding Lesson #6: a milestone

Another mile stone! I wanted to move my lesson a back an hour so it would not be as warm. I knew that I might have to get started on my own. Toby the dog was the only one in the driveway when I got there. He barked, looked and the house, and looked at me. It was obvious that he knew his dad should be around.

I greeted the black lab and headed to the barn. Now when you work with haffies, they tend to looks a lot alike. Drew is unique that he is a roan. I was pretty sure that I could pick him out if there were not too many in the barn. Mostly horses in training stay in the barn so along with a paint, a gray welsh pony, a big chestnut were two haflingers. Between the two one was roan and a gelding and the other was not.

Sure that I had the right horse, I pulled Drew out. 9:00 I groomed him and picked out his feet. Except for a brief fight about his feet, it was quick work. 9:07. Finding the saddle and pad took a bit of doing, as I have not gotten all this together before. Plus I kept dragging my feet. 9:10. Saddling, getting the bridle, and finally Drew was ready. 9:15. Well, I was not going to just stand there with a saddled horse so we headed to the arena. That was rather nerve racking walk.

When I got out there I mounted, Drew started to back. What the! Not a normal thing for him. I took stock of myself and realized that I was a little nervous. But we settled in and started walking around the ring. I walked and halted, my new feel good maneuver. If I feel nervous, I practice halting. Once I have the horse halting nicely I feel much better about life in general. A lot of walking and trotting, a few new things to spook at. When R got there he just got a training horse and came on out. We had a really good ride. I mean it was so normal! A perfectly normal thing. I wish I could ride more than once a week though.

****

After my lesson I came home and waited. And waited. And watched Abby outside in the paddock for perhaps the last time. R showed up with a trailer to take her back to his farm. He is going to work with her for the next week or two so that if anyone wants to test ride her, they can. I am not sure if I will be able to ride her or not. After the training, I will work with her and hopefully find a really great home for her if she has not found one by then. So Abby may never come back to this property and that makes me a little sad.

Getting things figured out

Awhile back I wrote down that I had some things to decide. I had figured out that I like to drive. Also that I do want to ride and yet I did not have any horses that would further that goal to start riding. That went hand in hand with, I have too many horses. I wanted to really start working with all of them, but that was too much. I was stuck at that point for quite awhile. I really didn't know what to do. I knew that I was going to have to spend some money and bring in a professional.

At that point my weight loss and fitness goals sort of stood still too. Spending money and the frustrations with too little time and not having horses that were ridable was really getting to me. Bumps in the road. Those little frustrations that make me want to just say, "oh forget it!"

It was the best decisions I made, to sell Kinsy. Knowing that that egg wasn't going to hatch sent me made me reevaluate again. I am finding that I am doing that a lot on this journey. Keeping an eye on what I want, and then adjusting my journey to continue on towards that goal. What else can I do? I'm not giving up, and I am not going to stand still either. Not this time. Keep moving forward.

In a previous comment, Breathe from HorseCentric, mentioned about this being a journey of self discovery. I am finding that so true. With each stumbling block I have to really think about what is important to me. Getting back in the saddle is very multifaceted. Weight, fitness, riding skills, driving, etc. I find that as one part might get a bit stuck it effects the others too. Sometimes I looks focus. that is when a support system is so nice. Just a gentle nudge in the right directions. Sometimes it is as little as a reminder of where I am going.

This blog, friends, family, a trainer, and other sources all keep me moving in the right directions. Minor detours, like Kinsey, are to be expected. Those bumps often so me off track that I don't know how to start again. I really think I am on the right path again though.

Few things I have to do now:
* Sell Abby . . I have to sell her before I get a new horse.
* Continue on the weight loss and fitness path . . . I actually have a number I want to be below.
* Get Ike driving . . . he is ready once I get the shafts
* Continue on with lessons, riding in particular.

THEN I will start looking for a new horse to ride. I am really going to try to stick to this before getting a new horse. I don't want to be lamenting that I have too many horses again or that I can ride them.

Rain Rain. . . comes our way.

I have to be honest. I have not been working with the horses this week. I have been cleaning the house. Then today when I could work the horses, it has been raining all day. It comes back to this balance thing. Sometimes my personal life has issues I have to deal with and sometimes its the horses. I would love to have the resources to devote to the horses all the time, but like most people, I don't.

Since I am being honest, I will be a little more. I was in a bad place for a few years, a really bad place. I was very depressed. My life got very out of whack. My career, my emotional and physical health, all took a hit. I had no control and just felt so alone. I know that I am not alone feeling alone. A lot of us feel that way. Isn't that sad? So many of use all feeling alone? Anyway. . .

I am still getting back on my feet, but the one thing I realized about 3 years ago is that horses are my therapy; they are my antidepressant. Unfortunately they are expensive therapy and are not covered by insurance.

I tried to do things the cheapest way possible. One of the things I did was "ride the horse you have." I really shouldn't have. When I fell off Abby, I fell so hard. Not just physically either. I was trying to make a positive change and landed flat on . . . well my wrist! It was good though, all I could think about was how to get back in the saddle. It really showed me where I was and what was important to me. Horses are the thing that give me bliss and allows the rest of my life to made sense.

I look forward to the days I get to ride or drive with such a longing. Then I return home and look at a pasture of horses. None of which can be used for one reason or another. Kinsey needs a saddle and maybe some training. I would like to drive Abby but that is another harness and wagon, besides the training she would need. I need a safe environment to ride either of this horse as of right now and I don't have that either. My cart needs shafts. Madison needs a harness that would fit her and training. Ike really needs a new harness, one that has breeching. Sophie need training, she may need a harness or she may be able to use Ike's.

"Inch by inch, life is a cinch. Yard by yard it is very hard." Sometime when I try to focus on all of these things and get great grandiose plans I need to remember this. Focus on a few small things and then I can move on.

Thanks to a very special person, I am getting support to get things in a little more order. Kinsey leaves tomorrow to go to R. I am really looking forward to just seeing what he says. She maybe my next riding horse or she may be on the market. She is a good horse either way. I just want her to to be used and not sit through her prime. Thanks to R I am not as self conscious about my weigh, so Ike is just waiting until I get shafts. I ordered them this week, my reward for slaving away getting 1/3 of the house in order. Then I will have a horse that I can do something with finally. I think I can make his harness work for now, I just can't go very far because of the breeching problem and the terrain around here.

So as the rain comes, it makes the earth muddy. From that mud grows beautiful flowers, wholesome food, and life. I'll wait to see what will grow from this rain.

Sunday Stills

Sunday Stills this week is just a pot luck.
Another Texas Thunder shot:Muddy, I just think Abby has a cute expression here. Something along the lines of. . . "What the hell are you doing on the ground in the mud?":

Remmy getting ready to help me blog:Best buds:

Rocky in the violets:

Relax in the Pasture

After reading some of the blogs ( seen on the right) I decided to just sit out with my horses. The barn can wait. I took Laura Crum's Going, Gone out in to the pasture along with a folding chair and just sat down.

The reactions from my horses was funny and not exactly what I expected. Kinsey treated me with the normal indifference, she seems no more or and maybe a little less upset that she normally does. Abby on the other hand was not sure what the heck to make of me. She looked up from her grazing, stared, and snorted. Walking around, giving me a large berth, she continued to snort and blow. Eventually she tired of watching me and went back to eating. Madison was the brave little girl, man I wish she was large enough to ride, she came up and sniffed. She wanted her scratched and searched me for treats. Ike was a little more nervous but eventually came over for a few scratches. Sophie would never come over and Dominique was nervous too, but he did stop by to sniff me.

I sat out there getting more and more engrossed in the mystery set out west surrounding the murder of a brother and sister. The story features horses as a central focus and it is so nice to read a story about horses where the author actually knows what she is talking about. No making love the back of a horse with the lover's heads on the horses flanks~ never figures out how that was possible. Anyway I will be a better review of the book when I am finished which I am sure will be in the next few days.

Abby and Kinsey spooking and came running around the field. With the minis out front, Abby was following up behind. They were headed straight for me. Abby, I don't think, still realized who I was. As I watched her massive chest and legs pounding the ground heading toward me I thought, "gee, I wonder if she'll stop." Of course she did. Stopped, and snorted, then continued on with her grazing.

In the pasture, the sun shining down, and my horse grazing around me I realized this was just about as perfect as it could get. It was a very nice way to pass a few hours.

Hey Hay!

Hay is a necessary evil of having horses. Okay maybe evil is not the right word, but it drains the bank account, has to be delivered before I actually run out, and I have to search around for my inhaler. Although the best feeling in the world is seeing the hay stacked in the barn.
This morning I knew that the hay man was coming. A sort of spring cleaning had to take place. Before he got here, there had to be a place for the hay.
A barn is a natural place, and as we all know nature abhors a vacuum. So empty space, say space that once held hay that has all been eaten, fills up with other things. Things like a cart, a bright orange mini horse blankets, a dozen or so mini horse halters that don't fit anyone, baling twine, garbage, and stuff.
Stuff like this:And this:And this:
With all the stuff on the lawn now, it is time to sweep and clean the pallets. Collecting the old hay pallets, pulling all the hay that had worked it way down between the boards, and settled on the bottom is lots of . . . fun? The part that touched the cement floor has molded, mice have built nests in it and spiders have made webs. What looks like a little bit of hay packed into the pallets turns out to be a big fluffy mess that I then have to load and move out of the barn.

Hauling, throwing, scraping, sweeping. Coughing, hacking, wheezing, sneezing.

At least I have John to help me out:
Finally! Hay! 10 big bales! That should last us a few months!But it is all worth it if they are happy right?

Sunday Stills~ Hands

It is Sunday again. This week we were just given the topic of hands.Zoe and I paw-in-hand

A gentle pat: Remington Steele and my mom
Finally, a different meaning of hand: a unit of measure equal to 4 inches (10.2 centimeters) used especially for the height of horses
A 16.3 hh horse

Juggling

I have too many horses that are not doing anything. I know that. I do not want to have them sit there. Every spring "I am going to do something with them this year!" Then April hits and we have rain. I don't have an indoor and Abby is hell on the lawn so it has been a challenge. Well this spring is no different in that respect but I am getting more serious about having horses in my life. I have to take care of them day in a day out and although that is very enjoyable I want to do more. Which is why I got Kinsey, she is turning into just as much of a challenge as the rest of them though.

I have come to some conclusions.

*One is that I like to drive. I like it a lot. I am not as fearful driving and if that is all I can do I'll do that to the best of my ability. So I am going drive.

*Second is that I am not ready to ride any horse I own now. So riding lesson horses is going to have to be it for awhile. I do have a goal to go on at least on trail ride this year.

*Third is I have to really take a look at my herd. I don't have need for 3 mini horses, 2 mini donkeys, and 2 horses. I really need to look at what I want to do and which equine will meet that need. Then take steps to seriously try to sell to someone who will use that horse. This is really going to be hard.

*Four is that I really have to get some help from a professional. I have never ever asked anyone else to train my horse(s) before. I have asked to have someone exercise or allowed others to use my horse, but never to train. So this is going to be something new for me. I think I found someone I am comfortable with.

* Finally five, I am going to further my horses' (donkeys') training while they are here. This is another hard once since there are so many of them. I have split them into two groups: three one day and three the next. I am actually writing down a plan for each horse (donk). So they will each be worked 3 days a week.

Wordless Wednesday

Sunday Stills

Sunday Still this week is a day in the life of . . . me.
We could only choose 4!! Well that is tough, it has been a long week.
It started off with this. Morning and night for a goat. She is doing well now. Thankfully I am done giving shots for now.
Every morning starts off with hay, it ends with hay, and has some hay in the middle. I drive the lawn tractor and deliver hay to the horses and goats.
No matter what I do I have diet coke. It is a bad habit, I know but it is every where. Here we have some in the barn. I would love to say that I had to go in the house and bring the coke out for the picture, but no, it was already there.

Finally I had to do some work in the pasture. I got lots of help from Abby, Sophie, and Dominick. Dom is trying to figure out how to spread the seed, Sophie is checking to see if I have enough seed down. I think Abby was making sure that the lawn tractor was working properly. LOTS of help from those three.

Wordless Wednesday

Part Two: Self evaluation

The second video in this mini series is about self evaluation.

I think she starts with a really great questions. What do you want to do with your horse? Or with horses in general? There are a lot of great activities that you can do without ever getting on your horse. Trick training, driving, petting and grooming, taking walks, miniature horse events such as jumping, and halter. There is a lot you can do without ever throwing a leg over the horse. For many of us, it is the act of riding that really gives us the most pleasure.

Even in riding, there are many choices of activities to do. Everything from pleasure riding down some country road to competitive trail riding, hopping over a few ground poles to eventing. Do you want to be a western pleasure star or ride a dressage test? It is important to have an idea of where you want to go before you start out.

After thinking about what you really want to do, it is next important to look at your own skills. I know for myself that at one time I could sit a horse very well. I know that I can again. I know in my mind what I can do, sometimes I need to remind my body.

Next in the video is about comfort zones. Good risks and bad risk, and how to take good risks. It does a good job of that, I'm just going to let you watch it.


As an aside you have to take a good look at the picture they chose for bad risks. I just wondered about the choice, a little odd if you ask me.

A few brief comments are made about horse choice at the very end. I think they really could have made a whole 2 minute video just about your horse. I really think that for many of us, our horse is a big part of the problem. I have read too many stories, myself included, where the rider decided to just ride the horse they had, even if that horse was not appropriate at the time.

When I got Abby I was planning on working with a riding instructor and then that fell through. I knew when I bought Abby that she may have been a little too much for me at the time, but I was confident that with some help that we could get her going well. Well so much for the best laid plans. I have read over and over again of others who are not sure where to go, so they just keep on with a horse that is not going to work, often without help.

We, as fearful riders, need to remember that it is okay to ask for help. Being careful of who we ask though.

Next, the final video.