Fresh air is so nice.

Yup I rode outside.

I had a mini lesson with Sensei last Monday. He just watched me and gave me some tips. Corrie was still looking out the window and being a bit spooky. After doing ground works and ground driving I realized I was doing something under saddle, because she was fine the other times. A little tweak here and a little tweak there, thanks to Sensei's advice, and Corrie and I are doing much better. Inside is going so well. There are barrels, poles, and cones littering the indoor. I have been using all of them to our advantage and it has been added some variety to our workouts. We have been practicing all sorts of maneuvers. Weaving through the cones, around the barrels, through the poles. She is really responsive to leg.

On Saturday I had thoughts of going outside but Sensei was giving another client a driving lesson out there so I didn't. I didn't know how she would react and I want to tackle one new thing at a time. Sunday Corrie was really calm and responsive so I decided to take her out there after we rode inside. I really felt confident that I had control of her.

I was not as nervous as I thought I would be, although confident would not be a word I used to describe myself either. When I get nervous Corrie's head drops to her knees and she barely walks. Nice quality to have in a horse that is being ridden by a nervous person. She is steerable and has brakes, but not as responsive. That was okay. I was able to pick her up a little by the end. It was also hot and she has been already ridden for a normal amount of time. So I am sure the fat girl was a little on the tired side.

Corrie is just such a steady horse, not perfect. I keep saying that she spooks, but she really is not all that spooky. I think that might be more of me getting in her way. She is a bit of a butt head sometimes. Very much a brood mare, her default is to do as little as possible. Sensei keeps tell me that she is just enough of a challenge for me. I think what he means is that she is not about to do anything stupid, but that she has issues that I can safely work through with her, like being lazy and pig headed.

On the healing side, I find that I don't have to mentally prepare myself as much. I think about what I want to do, but not in such detail. I am using visualization, but not as formally. I think with this conquest I was thinking about it while I was driving. I do believe that now my skills are really dictating what I feel comfortable with. As soon as I gained control of Corrie's feet, I felt ready to take the next step. I don't have that control outside yet so we will just ride around the outdie area for awhile.

I do find it interesting to think back. I have not even owned Corrie a month, although I have been riding her for about a month. I have not been back to riding for more that a few months. It really boggles my mind. Although I think that driving has really helped a lot . Just a little food for thought.

Oh that's right, Riding takes work!

For years I have been daydreaming about what it would be like to just be riding again. I had visions of trotting down the trail with orange and yellow leaves falling on the path in our wake. I imagined doing circle and serpentines while being at one with my horse. Saddling up and mounting without a care in the world. I guess I just didn't think about the fact that is was not just a matter of getting on and going, there are still things that make me nervous. I still have demons. And I have no balance, it is rather embarrassing actually. I fight both with Corrie, my body, and my mind.

I feel really pulled in two directions right now. Tides run one way one day and the next they sway the other. One is my love of dressage. I just love everything about it. On the other hand is a very safe ride. That is basically what I should be doing now. Sensei is totally the right trainer for that. What I need vs what I want. Fantasy vs reality.

Dressage just makes so much sense to me. It is what I read about and study. I love it. I love the connectedness to the horse. The beauty. Helping them to be better balanced and in sync with their rider. Now I am talking about backyard dressage, not moving up the levels type of dressage. Although I would love that too. I love the training of dressage, the nuances of it. Studying every movement of the horse and how to enhance it.

Yet here I am. Forward is not my friend right now. Damn it. I want to move out but I am so conflicted about it. I get remained of that all the time. I don't really want to my horse to move out, even though I do. Damn it! Damn it!! I used to gallop up hills. I quit a trainer as a teen because I was told I couldn't gallop my horse anymore. Screw that! I galloped Hope all the time and was not going to give that up. What the hell has happened to me!

DAMN IT!

I think I am just going to have to say, okay. Ride. Just ride. Don't worry about if your horse looks like a damn western pleasure horse (puke). Just follow what Sensei says and get on and ride. That sucks. Not about Sensei, he really is awesome. I just want to ride dressage and I just can't. Not right now. I can just ride. Honestly I have have so many things going well for me. A great horse, a great trainer, and drive to just do it! Getting upset about a disciple at this point just seems silly. Corrie can be driven, ridden, and we are getting rather handy in our ground work too. I have not even had her a month, it might be that I am a tad bit impatient.

Tomorrow I get to drive. Yippy!

Trusting the horse

Muddy K made a very interesting comment about my management vs labor post.

Which comes first, having the confidence to trust the horse or trusting the horse to build confidence. My thought is a resounding both! I did ponder this idea for a bit. I thought back to my own journey and depending where I was at on my journey has made a huge difference in who I trusted: my trainer, the horse, or me.

It really depends on where one is on the journey to overcome fear. Both time that I decided to get back to riding and had success, I found a trainer I felt comfortable with. The first time, I was nervous to get on, but not as scared as I was this spring. Both trainers had horses that were up to the task of taking around a Nervous Nelly. I think that is the key, having a trustworthy horse.

I was looking for something specific when I found those trainers and horses. My first trip down this rode was several years ago. I am not going to talk about that time right now. This spring, I wanted to drive. I felt that was something I could do. I did have confidence that I could handle a horse on the ground. My experiences with R and Bill, helped my confidence in both of them and my skills grow. Everything kind of grows together.

When I decided that I wanted to ride, I already has some confidence in Bill. It was a bit of a leap of faith to get on his back, but I did have a good foundation started. Then I move on to Drew, it was again, confidence that R would not put me on an unsafe horse and my own new confidence in myself. Then after a few rides on Drew, I felt very comfortable with him. My confidence grew in him, that he was not going to just take off and he would stop when I asked.

Now I am past the fear of sitting on, walking, and trotting a horse. I actually feel really good about that. I was not really riding then I was just a passenger. So now I am actually riding. So when I am on Drew, I do have confidence that if I put my left leg on him, he will move off of it. But if he doesn't, I have confidence in myself that I get after him and make him.

So I am far from my journey being over yet. The worse thing I could do for myself now would be to go out and try to ride Kinsey or Abby. I do think that a person overcoming fear is going to have to look for those more trustworthy horses. Drew is not angel. He will spook, but he is not looking to dismount you. I don't think Abby would either, but we have some steering and stopping issues. Kinsey would try to dismount you.

So I guess more than trusting your horse, you need a horse that deserves your trust. From there you can build confidence in your horse and in yourself.

Book Review: Ride With Confidence!

Ride with Confidence! Foreword and top tips from Kelly Marks. Chapters include: "Teaching the Nervous Rider" by Christina Barlow, "Managing Your Fear" by Julie Goodnight, "Understanding the Horse" by Abigail Hogg, " The NLP Approach to Confident Riding" by Liz Morrison, and "Hynotherapy and Hypnosis" by Sharon Shinwell.

I really like Kelly Mark's remarks and the bullet point suggestions throughout the book. There are lots of case studies that I found very encouraging. It has a lot of good information, especially a first glimpse into how to deal with fear. Some chapters I could do without, others are fairly basic, and others still offered some really good advice.

I am not really thrilled with the "Understanding the Horse" chapter. I really hate when equestrian "experts" take one aspect of horse behavior, such as horses contacting you with their lips, and over generalize it. The idea presented is that because horses lip before they bite, and biting is a sign of dominance, that means that allowing horses to take a treat you are allowing horses to be more dominate. Given her explanation, and my experience over a number of years a with a large number of horses, I am just not going to swallow that one. I am not going to say that all horses should be given treats or that all people do it properly, but just that I hate over reaching generalizations.

I almost let that part turn me off of the whole books but chapter one, "Managing Your Fear," is sound. Kelly offers a top 10 tip for handling fears is a great place to start. She suggests doing a risk analysis, finding a good instructor, and "under horse" yourself, among other thing. Her suggestions work for everyone from those that are afraid to even be near a horse to those that are nervous to jump a place to start. Two of my top favorites are to BREATH and finding "alternative" methods for managing fear.

Among those alternatives are hypnotherapy, the NLP approach, positive thinking, the importance of setting goals, and Bach flowers. The Neuro-Linguistic Programing is a sports psychology technique. It is a way to overcome a self doubt not only in your horse world but also in life as a whole. I have been thinking of getting some self- hypnosis tapes. I have not tried all the techniques in this book yet, but found the information helpful in making some decision about what would be helpful for me to try. I have found that overcoming fear is just like anything else, try new ideas, take what you like and get rid of the rest

One last chapter I want to mention is the one for trainers/ instructors. I think that this book is really great for those of you that work with people who have fear. It helps you have a sneak peak into our minds as well as offer a lot of suggestions for lesson plans and steps to take to help your client overcome their fear. This book really is a must for you.

If you are on a limited budget, this maybe one that you want to check out from the library. Instructors may find this book even more useful; it is the only one I have read so far that has information written just for you. Overall I am going to give this book a thumbs up.