Had a ball!

It has been at least 6 months since I rode her. Six months of her lazying about the pasture, getting a little grain treat here and there. Maybe pulled up to have her feet trimmed but other than that, she has been living the life. Today I show up and realized this is why I have Corrie. We pulled her out of the pasture and did a little grooming, saddled up, little ground work and got on.

Corrie was wonderful!

One of the first things I spied is that my trainer got one of these balls. (Sorry I left my phone in the car so I couldn't take pictures.)  She sniffed it and nudged it. Was a little worried about it rolling toward her, but we did a little ground work around it and she was fine.

Hoped on and walked around the arena. She was just as quiet as can be. Looked at the paper bags in the corner a bit. We faced them, took baby steps toward them until she touched them with her nose. After that she was fine with them.

I didn't do a lot of work with her. I rode her around and played with the ball. My trainer came out and rode with us.

Corrie didn't like my trainer's horse. I don't know why. She was letting her annoyance be known too! I started playing with the ball. She would rub on it. Eventually she would would send it flying with a good nose push. After a few of these nose pushes we noticed that she only pushed it to my trainer's horse when he went by. She is a character!

Mostly I just walked around. A little trotting. Corrie has not been worked in forever and right now she is going to be worked only 2 x a month. Not enough time to really "do" anything but enjoy her. And I plan to. :)

Back in the Saddle Again

Yes, I have been absent from the blogger scene, even worse I have been absent from the barn.

When I most needed my pony I wouldn't go out. WHY? Well this is really embarrassing from the queen of "think positive" but I just was feeling so negative. I kept making excess, which Sensei informed me were not good enough. At first they were actually reasonable, I think. I would want to get lunch after working out at the YMCA or it was raining and I knew my horse would be wet. Those didn't really fly with Sensei either. Then it was just embarrassment that I had gone a whole month without seeing my horse. I got depressed about it and I felt down. Honestly not just about that but about other things in my life too. I let things spiral.

Looking back I feel really silly. I know that going for a ride would have boosted my mood and given me better out look just because I would be engaging in something I enjoy. Well, I am back out at the barn again. I am getting razzed from Sensei but I deserve it, and it is all good natured.

Emotions really can take us for a ride unless we decide to take control. It is not enough to want to go and ride, because I really did want to. It requires action. Sometimes when I get down I just don't want to be active. I want to hide. That is where good support comes in . . . and I don't mean in a bra (although in riding that is important too!) I have a few good friends that are really good about kicking my butt when I am down and telling me to get up and get moving again.

Really! They don't sit there and stroke my ego. They tell me to get off my ass and start doing things to make changes in my life that I want. It is nice to sit around and have pity parties from time to time, but I value those friends of mine that just don't fall for it. They tell me like is and push me to action. Thanks Guys!

New Years Resolutions

Okay so it is not the first of the year, but it is close enough. Closer to the front of the year than the back right?

Anyway, I had an awesome year last year. Going from being terrified to ride to riding my own pony bare back in a halter and lead. I also got out on the trail and actually had some pretty big spooks, ones that almost dismounted me actually. But we handled them and it didn't stop me from riding. Also learned to drive, a solid beginner, but still I am a driver. In fact there is only one goal that I did not meet last year, canter. It was not for lack of trying either. We almost got there but then had those lameness issues.

So for the new year I have some more practical goals.
1) Ride at least 3 times a week. For Corrie and for me. She is going to be 12 this year. For her own health I need to keep her moving. I also need to keep riding her. I love to ride as you all know but it is the getting out there and doing it sometimes, especially when it is blustery outside and I am trying to accomplish other things in my life. Even still this is an important goal to me.

2) That damn canter. Oh yeah, 2011 is the year to canter. I am going to do this barring any physical issues on Corrie's apart. There is no reason that I should not be back to cantering again.

3) Get that balance back baby! Okay, so this should before the canter phase but I really want to work on my balance. I have lost a lot of balance over the years but I want it back damn it! Riding Corrie bare back is one way, using a halter is my way of being kind to mouth. I am not know to use the reins for balance at all, but even still, don't want to start jerking on her poor mouth. Am also taking classes at the YMCA. These are helping a lot with my balance and general core strength. So this is more a feel and hard to define as a goal, but I think I will see improvements as they are made.

4) Rhythm. Some where over the years my rhythm has suffered too. Not just in keeping it but damn if I can get my correct diagonal without looking. How embarrassing it that at this stage of the game! I have noticed riding that I don't have that natural flow the way I used to with the gaits, the ones that comes from being in complete sync with the horse. Another one that will be hard to define, but I think once I can start keeping a track of the foot falls and maintaining a steady rhythm I will count this one as a complete. Or at least it will be time to set a new goal for rhythm.

5) Drive independently in my own space. Meaning in my own yard or in my little area around home. I want to harness and drive Corrie on my own. I had difficulties with this last year. I could do it at Sensai's but after a good spook that left me a little shaken in my skills I got nervous and didn't want to try.

6) Go on a group trail ride. I will have to bum a ride with someone but I hope that I can find some local people to go on a trail ride with and head out with them at least once this summer.

7) Not really a goal for me or for Corrie, but I would really like to get my city slicker friend up on Corrie. Why? because I want to share this thing that is so important to me with him. It is a totally selfish goal, but I hope I can pull it off.

Not sure these are the best goals this year. Little vague for my liking and so I might tweak them over the next few weeks. Still a good place to start, like seeing her at least three times a week. Of course the next time I have scheduled to see her is tomorrow morning and we are expecting a blizzard tonight. Guess I am just going to have see how that goes. If I can get out of the drive way though I will be at the barn!

Fearless Driving

Oh yeah, I love driving now. I feel so much more confident driving. Sensei is hoping I actually do get a little fear, because now I don't feel scared. I may be nervous from time to time, but I'm pretty sure I can handle it. So opposite of riding, where I am still working up the nerve to do stuff that I have done 1000's of times.

Which, when you think about it, is kind of funny. I have driven 13 times with Sensei, twice on my own with Corrie and maybe 5 times with Ike, my mini. I have had 1000's of rides though. So it would make more sense for me to be more fearful of driving, but it was those few episodes of fear in riding that really give me pause.

Silly right? I mean I should totally be so much more fearful of going for a drive. I think the difference is I have not had a really bad driving accident. I hope that I never do. My worst fear is falling off. I REALLY don't want to fall again and that is a bad fear to have when riding. Driving? I don't have that fear. Corrie has spooked, she tried to run off with me the other day when I was on my own, but I controlled it. She got a little spooky later on with the neighbors moving stuff. Again, I knew how to handle it. Sensei was out there working another horse and his only comment was that I should have held Corrie a little longer. Of all the time that he is telling me to use less rein, for once he actually thought I needed to keep contact longer.

Yet that lack of fear is really helping with my fear of riding. Funny how that works. I have been driving and ground driven Corrie out in the big dry lot and finally I rode her out there. That was such a big deal. If I had not been driving I don't think that I would be half as far along as we are. As I gain confidence in one area, it crosses over to other parts.

Actually everything works together. I ride, drive, ground riding, and do ground work. All four of them work to make Corrie a better horse. Sensei is a big believer in ground work. I have at least on lesson in ground driving a month. Not exactly my favorite, I admit, but when I can tell Corrie to stand, walk out of the arena to my car, come back, and she is still in the same place, that is impressive. Point and she moves. It is nice to have a well trained horse. My job is to not mess her up, which is why I do the ground work lessons.

Guess what I am doing tomorrow.

Fresh air is so nice.

Yup I rode outside.

I had a mini lesson with Sensei last Monday. He just watched me and gave me some tips. Corrie was still looking out the window and being a bit spooky. After doing ground works and ground driving I realized I was doing something under saddle, because she was fine the other times. A little tweak here and a little tweak there, thanks to Sensei's advice, and Corrie and I are doing much better. Inside is going so well. There are barrels, poles, and cones littering the indoor. I have been using all of them to our advantage and it has been added some variety to our workouts. We have been practicing all sorts of maneuvers. Weaving through the cones, around the barrels, through the poles. She is really responsive to leg.

On Saturday I had thoughts of going outside but Sensei was giving another client a driving lesson out there so I didn't. I didn't know how she would react and I want to tackle one new thing at a time. Sunday Corrie was really calm and responsive so I decided to take her out there after we rode inside. I really felt confident that I had control of her.

I was not as nervous as I thought I would be, although confident would not be a word I used to describe myself either. When I get nervous Corrie's head drops to her knees and she barely walks. Nice quality to have in a horse that is being ridden by a nervous person. She is steerable and has brakes, but not as responsive. That was okay. I was able to pick her up a little by the end. It was also hot and she has been already ridden for a normal amount of time. So I am sure the fat girl was a little on the tired side.

Corrie is just such a steady horse, not perfect. I keep saying that she spooks, but she really is not all that spooky. I think that might be more of me getting in her way. She is a bit of a butt head sometimes. Very much a brood mare, her default is to do as little as possible. Sensei keeps tell me that she is just enough of a challenge for me. I think what he means is that she is not about to do anything stupid, but that she has issues that I can safely work through with her, like being lazy and pig headed.

On the healing side, I find that I don't have to mentally prepare myself as much. I think about what I want to do, but not in such detail. I am using visualization, but not as formally. I think with this conquest I was thinking about it while I was driving. I do believe that now my skills are really dictating what I feel comfortable with. As soon as I gained control of Corrie's feet, I felt ready to take the next step. I don't have that control outside yet so we will just ride around the outdie area for awhile.

I do find it interesting to think back. I have not even owned Corrie a month, although I have been riding her for about a month. I have not been back to riding for more that a few months. It really boggles my mind. Although I think that driving has really helped a lot . Just a little food for thought.

Oh that's right, Riding takes work!

For years I have been daydreaming about what it would be like to just be riding again. I had visions of trotting down the trail with orange and yellow leaves falling on the path in our wake. I imagined doing circle and serpentines while being at one with my horse. Saddling up and mounting without a care in the world. I guess I just didn't think about the fact that is was not just a matter of getting on and going, there are still things that make me nervous. I still have demons. And I have no balance, it is rather embarrassing actually. I fight both with Corrie, my body, and my mind.

I feel really pulled in two directions right now. Tides run one way one day and the next they sway the other. One is my love of dressage. I just love everything about it. On the other hand is a very safe ride. That is basically what I should be doing now. Sensei is totally the right trainer for that. What I need vs what I want. Fantasy vs reality.

Dressage just makes so much sense to me. It is what I read about and study. I love it. I love the connectedness to the horse. The beauty. Helping them to be better balanced and in sync with their rider. Now I am talking about backyard dressage, not moving up the levels type of dressage. Although I would love that too. I love the training of dressage, the nuances of it. Studying every movement of the horse and how to enhance it.

Yet here I am. Forward is not my friend right now. Damn it. I want to move out but I am so conflicted about it. I get remained of that all the time. I don't really want to my horse to move out, even though I do. Damn it! Damn it!! I used to gallop up hills. I quit a trainer as a teen because I was told I couldn't gallop my horse anymore. Screw that! I galloped Hope all the time and was not going to give that up. What the hell has happened to me!

DAMN IT!

I think I am just going to have to say, okay. Ride. Just ride. Don't worry about if your horse looks like a damn western pleasure horse (puke). Just follow what Sensei says and get on and ride. That sucks. Not about Sensei, he really is awesome. I just want to ride dressage and I just can't. Not right now. I can just ride. Honestly I have have so many things going well for me. A great horse, a great trainer, and drive to just do it! Getting upset about a disciple at this point just seems silly. Corrie can be driven, ridden, and we are getting rather handy in our ground work too. I have not even had her a month, it might be that I am a tad bit impatient.

Tomorrow I get to drive. Yippy!

Weight Loss Wednesday: Riding as a work out

Rollie Pollie, oh I mean, Corrie and I worked together this week.

With the help of this site: Calorie Counter I can calculate how many calories I burn while engaging in horsey activities.

For me:
I burn 105 calories for 10 minutes of grooming. To make it an even work out, I will groom the left side of the horse with my left hand the the right with my right.

I burn 89 calories for 2o minutes of walking.

I burn 230 calories for 20 minutes of trotting.

Those are not huge numbers but they are numbers that add up.

My actual work out was more walking and less trotting but that is just an example. Corrie and I are both out of shape. Trotting on Corrie is really hard if I want to post because she has the rolliest trot I have ever ridden. It is really quite comfortable to sit, but doesn't help me burn more calories to sit. I probably burn more at the walk because I use quite a bit more leg than a normal walk should entail.

All that being said her walk and trot are getting better. Now we just need to get from the trot to the walk with out making a layover at the halt.

Alas it has been hard this week. My brother and his family are here this week. That means extra treats because we all get together and eat. I have had cake, Culver's Custard, and various other bad crap.

What a wonderful sucky day

Oh I am smiling as I write that, but at the same time my heart is breaking.

I had Abby in the round pen yesterday. She walked, trotted, cantered for me. She stopped, did inside turns in and in general just did everything I asked. Then I took her into the arena and again, followed me around, turned on the fore hand, turned on her hind quarters, back and followed me. She just did everything I asked. She was wonderful.

Damn it!

It makes it hard to keep her up for sale, but as I tried to gazed over her back, loved on her and almost got my foot stepped on, I know she it too big for me. Yet I really want to ride her. Maybe one last time? Am I crazy to want to try and ride the horse that is associated with the only broken bone in my entire family?



Today I had an asthma attack when I went out so I didn't do as much. I got the video. I also got a really low offer on Abby. Trade for a saddle. I honestly would like a western saddle. I honestly am not sure I want trade Abby for one. I think she is worth much more than that, but at the same time the woman sounded like a good match for Abby and the longer I keep her the longer I have to pay board on her.

* * *
Well all make mistakes, and there is a price to pay for those mistakes. Mine is more ground work. Now don't get me wrong, I know how important ground work is. I am just getting sick to death of doing ground work, I have been doing it for years. Now that I am getting so much more confident I want to ride and I want to drive.

I messed Ike up. I had him try to pull too much weight too soon and now he is getting balky. So it is back to almost square one. We we'll call it square two. He is pulling the empty sled. I started adding light things to it as I walked around the yard, but not the barrel that he used to pull. Which means that when I get the shafts it may still be awhile before I actually get to drive while sitting in it.

We also are working on driving by scary things, like the blue recycling bin and the little flags in the yard to mark where we have phone lines. Ya know those things from Diggers Hotline. Well we were getting pretty good at the bin and Ike figure out how to handle the flags, he bit them and pulled them out. I guess that works.

Driving #5 and Riding #2

I did not post about my driving lesson last week. Oops

I drove Corrie. She is a nice mare, but not the most cooperative. She has a bit of a stubborn streak. If you ask her to move up she will take one step with her front feet, but refuse to move her back. She really cracks me up! I actually like her.

We had a good drive until a German Shepard puppy, around 7 mos, came running up to us barking. Corrie spooked a bit. R put on the brakes and I handed of the reins. He kept tell me I could have handled it, which is probably right, but I had to make a quick decision. All in all it went well believe it or not. After that we went and talked to the woman with the dog, he had slipped pasted her and she was mortified. Corrie calmed down and then went about driving.

All in all it was a VERY good experience. It was a spook but we all ended up calmer than when we began. Frankly a spook with someone else there is great. I felt more confident, afterward that I could handle it.

Today I rode again. I rode Drew. Nice horse, not Bill though and I just have to get used to him. I was hoping to trot, but Drew had a little spook. Nothing big, but it was enough to put me on edge again. It was good though. I survived it, I didn't get off, I helped Drew to face what he was afraid of. I am learning how R. had his horses trained. We had some good discussion about training. We don't always see eye to eye, but we do mange to understand each other, or at least accept, the other's point of view.

Both of those spook were invaluable lessons. I am starting to remember that spooks happen. They happen all the time. As R. said once, when driving you may have 100 run aways that never happen because you catch it in time and defuse the situation. It is the same with a spook. Catch it in time and you can defuse the situation. Where I used to think I need to find a horse that doesn't spook, what I really need to find is the courage to deal with that spook and keep it under control.

Mean while back at the ranch:
Kinsey HATES needles. I mean I really should not be surprised, but I was hoping that I would be able to do shots on my own with her and that just is not going to happen. Luckily it was just a matter of finding a way to work with her. She needs to have her eye shielded. She can't see it, it was okay. The vet did a little neck twitch and then she was okay. No butt shot though, so we had to do one in the chest. We even got a coggins out of her.

Ropes don't seem to be a be deal with her either. So that is really encouraging. I would really like to get her working on the ground very well before I send her off. I am hoping to start ground driving her. I think that will be good for the both of us.

I was hoping to send her to a trainer in a few weeks, but unfortunately I had some terrible vet luck this week. It is goat related so I won't mentioned it here, but it put a damper on some future plans. I am going to keep riding and driving lessons though and maybe in a few months I can send her.

I rode

It was a bad lead up to my ride today. First of all, I have hurt myself everyday. I mean drawing blood hurting myself. From slipping on black ice to a paper cut, I have actually seen my blood everyday for about 5 days. I am running out of skin. It made me a little nervous to ride.

Then my check engine light came on. I was not sure I wanted to drive my car with that on so I was going to borrow someone else's car, but first I had to take her to a class of her own. Fine, it was going to cut it close but oh well. I had to stop by and get cash from a ATM before I dropped her off. The ATM was broken. Now I don't have time. SO we drive back home, she takes off with her car and I am going to see what I can do with mine.

I have no time remember, but I forgot my helmet. I look high and low and can't find it anywhere. Now I am just getting more determined. I am GOING to ride even if I DOES kill me. Screw it, I can't find the helmet and I'll just have to write a check for the lesson.

I get in the car and it is pouring down rain. It's spring, I guess I should expect this right?

Check engine light goes off, that is one thing in my favor. I'm making pretty good time too.

All in all I end up being a few minute late, nothing big. I meet R. and we go out to see Bill. Worst news ever, Bill is SOLD. Damn, I like Bill. I get my first ride on him and it did go well.

I have to get used to the way he is trained but he walks around, with his ears back in typical Bill style. I get very comfortable on him, but my short legs don't fit the stirrups correctly. R is really good about just letting me walk around and the feel again.

At one point Bill rammed my leg into the pipe fence and I have to really get after him. We trot a few steps, and survive. I get really bummed because Bill really was the horse I was looking for. I just wish I knew that before and had had the money to pay for him. Damn it!

Anyway I was really thrilled. I have been so stiff in the saddle, afraid to move that I'd encourage more forward movement than I wanted. After a good 15 min. I was so comfortable on Bill. I was able to move around, use my legs, use my seat. I was more animated. It was good. I was able to practice exaggerated movements which helped loosen me up too.

Finally I decided to get off. First of all Bill is so wide my legs were getting sore being stretched that far. My wrist has healed even more and I could get off almost normally. I slid down the saddle and was so surprised that the ground came up so quickly, Bill is only 13.3.

Anyway I am not giving up on Kinsey yet. I took her for a walk yesterday. I had her out and went looking for my dog. So I just took Kin out on the road. She was very well behaved and looked at a few things but didn't spook. For the most part she walked along with a nice level head. That's my girl! So there is hope for her yet.

Visualization

I just wrote out a whole visualization for my ride next Thursday. The key to having a good visualization is to include lots of detail and emotion. I was going to share it but I thought it was a bit long and boring for a blog. I got a lot out of actually typing it out.

This technique has really worked well for me in the past, until I get to those parts that I didn't visualize really well. Normally I start out strong, but forget about the last part of the ride. That was where my down fall was with a few rides I had on Abby.

When I visualize I usually start out really strong and then get lost in the middle as a dog licks my face or the phone rings. So the process of actually writing my visualization helped me to take the ride from the moment I park under the big pine tree to getting in my car after the ride. See really long.

I can tell when the difficult parts of the ride are going to be for me. I get a little herd of butterflies in my stomach when I think about getting on or getting off. I know from experience that as I keep visualizing those awkward moment, they become less awkward.

So I'll just share one part with you for an example:

With a positive attitude, I lead Bill to the arena and under the black hanging tarp that keep dust from going into the barn. Behind me R closes the wooden arena door. Bill follows me obediently, and I take a deep relaxing breath. Letting it out slowly as R asks Bill to stand next to the gate, I am confident in my skills. Bill moves over until his side is touching the gate. I climb up the old dusty gate, I feel the grim under my hands. I move freely but deliberately. I feel confident because I have worked with Bill before and he has always been well behaved. I take a deep breath and let it out, just like I have done a hundred times before. I grab the soft leather reins and swing my leg over the saddle. The saddle is cold, but warms quickly from my body heat. I slip my feet in to the stirrups. Next I shift my weight around the get my position correct, check my reins again. I take another deep breath, Bill has not moved an inch and is just waiting for me to tell him what to do.

See I have a lot of detail in their, and even more that I will see in the picture in my head. Before I got out of bed this morning, I ran this scene through my head, I'll do it again as I am in the shower, and driving to work. Finally I will do it as I fall asleep tonight. By the time I ride Bill for real I will have done it probably at least 25 times in my head.

* * * * * *

Mean while back at the ranch. . . .

Abby and Kinsey are the best of buds. Every time I look out there are with each other. My batteries died yesterday, but charged our night. I will have to take some pictures of them together. They are instant friends!

For the first time Kinsey came running up to me yesterday. I think she is feeding off the other horses that all flock to me when I came into the field. So she just joined in. My heart melted as I saw her trotting towards me with her ears pricked and a happy look on her face. I easily caught her and took her out to be groomed and then did a little in hand work . We did target training, and some other in hand work. Then we took a short walk. She did wonderful.

Back to the fear issues

Yeah, I have this blog and it is about getting over the fear of riding but I end up talking a lot about other stuff. Well didn't have a plan there for awhile so there was not much to talk about in terms of fear. I have a week, though, to build up my nerve to ride Bill.

I did the first few steps. First I found someone that does not care that I am overweight. That was really a huge issue for me. A lot of people don't think someone of my size should be riding, but we do. People who weight more than me ride. Frankly some of them do it much better than their lighter weight counter parts and are easier on the horse. Anyway that is a topic for another time.

The next step: I found a support group for the weight and riding issue. This may have been an even bigger issue for me. I really kept myself from riding with the excuse, I too fat. Well when Amanda at A Far Girl and A Fat Horse started a fourm, I realized that I was not alone and that there were a lot of people who weighted more than me that happily and successfully rode happy horses. I am not going to hurt my horse, especially since I am not going to be ripping over a cross counry field, I am going to be walking, trotting at most, at the moment.

I found a horse that I can ride, Bill, maybe. Bill is a 10 year old halflinger gelding. He stand 13.3 but is as wide as they come. He is used to carrying a heavy rider and is a pretty laid back guy. I just adore Bill actually. A little snotty, but I love snotty horses. I don't know why. Bill has carried children around safely so he is not that snotty.

Finally the trainer I am working with is pretty laid back. I don't really need riding lessons, I just need to get back in the saddle and maybe a few nudges along the way to push myself a little further.

Now I just have to "ride" Bill everyday in my mind's eye. Everything from getting on him to walking around the ring, finally getting off. I need to plan out my script today and start rehearsing it. I also want to find some videos of people riding halflingers and having successful calm rides. I also have to write some affirmations to the effect that I am a calm and confident rider, and able to deal with any situation.

* * * * *

Mean while back at the ranch. Things are continuing on. Abby and Kinsey got to meet on the same side of the fence today. They have been standing next to each other on opposite sides of the fence all week so the greeting when much as I expected. The sniffed each other and went about eating hay out of the same pile. Rather sweet actaully. Now everyone is just chilling.