Really. I am just bummed. I am so thankful to my friends who were able to help me to get through today and also that showed me that Kinsey, is not the horse I thought she was. She has issues. I knew that, but her issues are far more reaching that I had first thought. I am thankful I found about about them now, rather than later.
She is not an English horse. She is actually afraid of the English saddle, crappy trait for a dressage horse to have. Thankfully, for me, I was not on her when we discovered this. Someone came off~ not Kinsey's fault~ and she freaked out about the stirrups flopping. Well, okay, I mean that is something that you desensitize her to, along with plastic bags, paper feeds sacks, checks, anything made of paper or plastic actually, clippers, blankets, anyone moving around her head, anyone moving around her butt, anyone dismounting, anyone in her stall etc, get the picture? But what does all this say about her as a horse? She needs alot of support from her human. That would be fine if I didn't have my own issues.
I know you shouldn't ditch a horse just because she has training issues, but I already have one of those and Abby doesn't have the issues that Kinsey has. I was so hoping that Kinsey was going to be a rock that I could get my confidence back on. She is much better under western tack and I think she should go back to that. Besides these issues would have come out some where. She needs a supportive human to help her through her issues, which I could doif they were all on the ground but they are under saddle too. If I have to have a friend hold Steady Eddy CJ for me to get off, even though he won't move, what the hell am I supposed to do with a horse that flips out if you take too long dismounting.
Kinsey has trust issues, which probably means that even if she does get over these issues with others, she is going to need to get over them again with me because she is not going to just trust me. I don't have the time or confidence to put in the training she needs. I realize it would make a great inspirational story if I just dump all kinds of money I don't have into getting her right and she would be a great horse. I am just too practical.
Secretly, or maybe not to secretly I was hoping to get my confidence back on Kinsey and then go back to riding Abby. I would probably have better luck going the other way around. Abby is a rock to mount and dismount. Has little spooks and is pretty predictable.
Part of me now just wants to throw in the towel and have my lovely little ponies. I mean, I know that her issues are an excuse, but I have seen and heard about too many people with fear issues deciding to just cowboy up and ride the horse they have only to get hurt because they really had no business being on that horse with all the issues they and their horse had. I can't afford a nice stead Fjord or dead broke horse so I guess right now the only option is to take a break until I can get out from under these horses that I can't ride and save my money for lessons or a nice steady eddy. Also to keep losing the weight and exercising so that I am strong enough to ride again.
This all just happened though. Maybe I should give it some time.