One important step: Find a trainer

*WARNING* This is a long post.
In Jillian Micheal's book on weight loss she says that you need a support base of: a partner in crime, a mentor, and a fan. Same can apply to any behavioral change your trying to make. This post is about the mentor. It has been something I have wanted to blog about for awhile. I think that getting a trainer is the second most important thing I did to start the journey of getting over fear, yet it took me forever to do it. The first was to change my mindset to be more positive. After that I think finding a trainer I could work with has been priceless. It may be costing me a pretty penny, but I am riding again.

Sensei was not the first trainer I tried though.

I did find one great trainer a few years ago, but she had some issues of her own to deal with. So while it was great in lessons the rest of the time it was like dealing with a time bomb. She did teach me so much about getting a better seat. She also gave me lot of back handed complements. Like telling me that while other people would say I was too heavy to ride, she would work with me because she though I rode well. Or that I shouldn't worry about my large calves because that was the way I was and even though most people want thin calves, I would never have them but that was okay. Well I never was upset about the size of my calves until after that conversation. I stayed with her for as long as I could because she knew her stuff about biomechanics and was helping in that area so much. Finally it was too much though.

I left her just after I bought Abby. I actually would have never bought Abby if I had known I would lose my trainer. At that point though, I sort of thought I was well on my way and could handle Abby on my own. Besides she had ingrained it in my head that I was so heavy no other trainer would work with me. I was terrified of looking for another one. FYI I am what they call painfully shy.

So with the idea that nobody would work with me on their horse and having no way get my horse to someone or a place to have someone work with me at my place I was stalled for a few years.

During that time I was searching for someone to teach me to drive. I could not find anyone. I would ask around, talk to people who did drive, and nobody in my area taught driving. Or at least that is what I thought. Now just before I bought Kinsey I had gone to look at a very short and ornery Haflinger. I also did a little research about the breed. Wading through the mire of information on the net, I found Sensei. I did not call him then. *kicks self in butt*

Getting the boat load of trouble called Kinsey, I had about given up the idea of riding all together. Horses will be part of my life though, and I wanted to give driving another chance. So finally I did something smart. I called Sensei. Shyness almost won over and if I were not so desperate it really may have won, but I picked up the phone and called.

For driving lesson mind you, nothing else. I was NOT going to take riding lesson from a western guy even if he would let me ride his little horses, something that I highly doubted anyway. Well you know the rest of the story from there. I started driving and then starting sitting on a horse. Finally riding, now I have Corrie. Just goes to show that you can definitely get help from outside your chosen discipline.

If it were not for Sensei I would not be so happy riding again. I would be sitting with two horses I could not do anything with and missing out on riding for yet another summer. Getting a trainer was pivotal.

For the past three years I have been wanting to ride. I have been making little attempts at riding. I have been working, sort of, with my horses. Nothing came to pass because I needed that outside pair of eyes to help me get to my goal. Okay another true confession, I have ADD.

Look a pretty little pony:



See?



I get distracted by this idea and the next. I forget where I am going and end up at the start again. I have done this over and over again. That is one HUGE help that Sensei has given me. When I go out to the barn with some crazy idea, he takes me by the shoulders and turns me back to the goal.

Oh yeah a big pretty pony that I can ride and drive. I remember where I am going now.


That is something that a good trainer should be able to do. Help you find your goals and then stick to the path that takes you there. Weekly I would hear questions about getting my shafts for my cart, ground driving Ike, selling Abby and Kinsey, and other things I had to do to get on the right path for me.

Some of those decisions were really hard to make, like selling Kinsey and Abby. It about tore my heart. I really needed that objective person to help me move on from that point where I had horses that I could not use and were not suited for me at all to finding them good homes so that I could move on to a horse that is much more suited for me. It really has been very liberating.

Not any trainer could have or would helped me through all that. Not every trainer is suited to every student. I told you about one nightmare trainer that was actually good at training, but not as general person. Several years before her I hired a British guy who scammed me out of a lot of money. He seemed knowledgeable about horses in the beginning, but later said some odd things. I would blame odd information on that the fact that he was British. He is actually partly to blame for my fear. Those are the only two trainers I tried to have help me but they really put a bad taste in my mouth about getting help. That doesn't mean though that their aren't great trainers out that that still would not have been right for me. Keep looking until you do find one that you can work with.

So I understand how hard it is to find a good trainer. It isn't easy. I was so gun shy before Sensei. I did not even trust Sensei for a few months. Driving he was knowledge about, but I was not so sure about the riding part. Turns out that he is incredibly knowledge about about horse and people. My first few ground driving lessons were pretty easy stuff. Once we got out in the cart, I think he knew that I just needed to be working with the horse to work through my fear. We did a lot of talking, joking, and teasing. Probably because I was so tense. It was over time that I started to trust him and the horse. So give yourself a few lesson to get to know each other.

It is vitally important to trust your trainer. If you don't feel you can trust him, find one that you can. Especially if you are overcoming fear. You are hiring this person to help you work though some truly scary emotions. A lesson for a person overcoming a fear is very different than a learning to ride/drive lesson. Sensei did not push anything on me, unlike a normal lesson where a good trainer should be pushing you. Or maybe I should say that he was much more subtle about it. He is always waiting for me to make the first move, yet at the same time introducing me to new situations. I was nervous at times but trusted he wouldn't put me in a situation I couldn't handle.

As I get more confident he pushes more, but again that is how it should be. He puts little challenges out there for me. Both to work through on my own with Corrie and in lessons. He still realizes I have issues though. Now that I am feeling more confident, it does not mean that I don't still have fear. I think he realizes that more than I do, he has worked with a lot of people with fear issues. I sometimes think I can go out and do try something new and he will tell me to wait a bit more. Or more often shake his head when I tell him what I did and then tell me to wait a bit.

Trainers are there to be objective and sometime give you a reality check. You need to trust this person. And they need to be knowledgeable enough to be worthy of that trust, again, especially if you have fear issues.

Oh but don't think that I am saying you shouldn't question this person. I think Sensei would be very disappointed in me if I didn't question him to some extent. I want to know why. I don't just assume that he knows what he is talking about, likewise he asks me to explain why I do what I do. I think it is a huge red flag when a trainer doesn't like to be questioned or can't tell you why they are doing something. I am getting better about asking question if I don't understand.

And this maybe one reason that I really like Sensei. He does question me about what I do. Everything I do and rarely excepts an answer of "I don't know." At least not without a follow up lecture as to why it should or should not be done. If I can justify myself, even if it is different than how he does it, it's all good. I am sure that there are some that that would drive them batty.

Which is why you need to find a trainer that works for you. One that you can get along with. Your trainer maybe completely different than mine, but as long as she is knowledgeable, trustworthy, objective, and someone you can work with to meet your goals your on the right path. Just try to find someone and don't give up if the first one doesn't work.

I really wanted to share this because in my journey finding the right trainer has been vital to my success and will continue to be. I did not realize how important that one choice was going to be. Sensei is still going to be there through a whole lot more with me. Getting so I can drive Corrie on my own, bringing her home and driving her around here, going for a trail ride, cantering, and building a good solid relationship with Corrie so that I am not fearful to do all the above things. I know that my journey is far from over but I have a mentor for this journey.

Getting things figured out

Awhile back I wrote down that I had some things to decide. I had figured out that I like to drive. Also that I do want to ride and yet I did not have any horses that would further that goal to start riding. That went hand in hand with, I have too many horses. I wanted to really start working with all of them, but that was too much. I was stuck at that point for quite awhile. I really didn't know what to do. I knew that I was going to have to spend some money and bring in a professional.

At that point my weight loss and fitness goals sort of stood still too. Spending money and the frustrations with too little time and not having horses that were ridable was really getting to me. Bumps in the road. Those little frustrations that make me want to just say, "oh forget it!"

It was the best decisions I made, to sell Kinsy. Knowing that that egg wasn't going to hatch sent me made me reevaluate again. I am finding that I am doing that a lot on this journey. Keeping an eye on what I want, and then adjusting my journey to continue on towards that goal. What else can I do? I'm not giving up, and I am not going to stand still either. Not this time. Keep moving forward.

In a previous comment, Breathe from HorseCentric, mentioned about this being a journey of self discovery. I am finding that so true. With each stumbling block I have to really think about what is important to me. Getting back in the saddle is very multifaceted. Weight, fitness, riding skills, driving, etc. I find that as one part might get a bit stuck it effects the others too. Sometimes I looks focus. that is when a support system is so nice. Just a gentle nudge in the right directions. Sometimes it is as little as a reminder of where I am going.

This blog, friends, family, a trainer, and other sources all keep me moving in the right directions. Minor detours, like Kinsey, are to be expected. Those bumps often so me off track that I don't know how to start again. I really think I am on the right path again though.

Few things I have to do now:
* Sell Abby . . I have to sell her before I get a new horse.
* Continue on the weight loss and fitness path . . . I actually have a number I want to be below.
* Get Ike driving . . . he is ready once I get the shafts
* Continue on with lessons, riding in particular.

THEN I will start looking for a new horse to ride. I am really going to try to stick to this before getting a new horse. I don't want to be lamenting that I have too many horses again or that I can ride them.

Kinsey Sold

Well it is both with sadness and relief that I report that Kinsey has a new home. She will be leaving in the next few days to go to Illinois to start her new life. One where it looks like she will be used and well liked. I am excited for her, sounds like she is going to be doing a lot of trail riding.

I promised R that I had learned my lesson. What lesson? I think it can all be summed up with phrase: "Buy the horse you can ride now."

Buying a horse is exciting and exhausting. We often feel many things when looking for a horse. Grandiose daydreams of riding down the trails on a big black horse (ehem). Pressure from a trainer or friend to buy this or that type of horse. Thinking that we will "grow into" a horse. Plus just general antsyness to get a new horse.

Abby is an eye catching, a big black Percheron. She has a sweet temperament and I admit, I get romantic thoughts of knights of the round table when I ride her. Or rather when I have ridden her. She is HUGE though, and has grown since I got her. I figured if I had problems my old trainer could help me. WRONG, she turned out to be pycho, the trainer not Abby. So I have a big horse that I can't ride.

Mistakes
* I could only barely ride her when I got her.
* I fell in love with the idea of riding her.
* I didn't make sure that she would do what I wanted her to: ride outside and trail ride.
* I was depending too much on help from an outside source.

Kinsey was not as appealing to me. I know that is horrible to say, but I just never did click with her. For the first few months I didn't even feel like she was mine. I sort of felt trapped in to buying, not only her, but a horse. I didn't think I would find someone to let me ride their horses because of my size. She was smaller and I was told that she rode well, so I thought it would be a good match. I thought that I could ride her by spring. Guess what? Not so much.

Mistakes
* I didn't think for myself and I didn't heed my gut feeling.
* I thought she would be a great horse for me in a few months.
* I was antsy to get a new horse.
* I didn't see her ridden, although I did afterwards and it went well for awhile.
* I was just not ready for a horse yet, I still had my own issues.
* I didn't wait until I saved up enough money to be able to look at a reasonable price range.
* I didn't have clear focus of what my next horse should be like.

So in short, I could not ride either of these horses when I got them. HEED MY MISTAKES. Really I do hope that this post helps someone, keep your logical mind in the forefront when choosing your next riding partner. Although as my trainer told me today, "Some people just have to learn the hard way." Yup, some of us do.

So am I looking for another horse? Only half heartedly. I think *sniff, sniff* as much as I love her, Abby needs to go too. We are going to see if we can get her to R's so I can work with her. I love her something awful, but she is just too big. She is about 17hh now I am really want something around 14hh. She is an expensive pasture pet and I really think she needs to do something. She is still young and very healthy. Why just let her sit around.

Driving Lesson #9

MuddyK asked a wonderful question in a comment on my Management and Labor post. I promise I will answer that question. I have a post started but I have not finished it yet.

Today was a lesson day and I had a blast. R. just got a pony for his granddaughter and I got to drive it. Cute little thing and very well behaved. I felt amazing confident. None of the nervousness that comes from any other equestrian sport. I know a lot of that has to do with the size of the equine. Just trotting around the arena, figure 8's, circles, and whatever. It was great to feel confident in myself. Not worried about a run off, I probably would have laughed if I had one. I am just not fearful of driving the little guys at all.

R. has these blue barrels in his arena. They are used for various reasons. They make great obstacles. We were sure what would happen if the pony hit one of these, which can happen when a youngster is learning to drive. So I started to hit them. The pony spook a little at the first one, but just took it all in stride after that. It was actually a lot of fun, and a lot more challenging that one might think. Then we worked on backing. Poor little pony didn't have a clue. So we did that a bit and called it a day. It was fun and good experience for working with my own little guy.

Again it was so nice to be involved in an equestrian activity that didn't leave me on edge. It is fun, just pure and simple. I want to ride and I want to drive the bigger horses, but for an hour I felt confident and had a lot a fun.

After that we talked about Kinsey.

Okay if you don't like sad stories, you might want to skip this part. Kinsey had her first ride yesterday, finally. Monday did not work out at all. She was really spooky about the stirrups, a known irritations of hers. So they had to work through that issue. Yesterday they actually got on. Apparently Kinsey took the bit in her mouth and just took off. Something she started to do on her last ride, at least the last ride I know about.

So many questions have been raised in my head. I have paid for another week of training. I have no idea how to go from here, I can't afford to keep her in training. I'll just have to wait to see how she is then.

Selling Horses

Selling horses sucks!

Flashy red dun mare. . . blah blah blah.

Photos just so~ That I can never do very well alone. And always the left side. I don't know why. I love taking photos but I hate to get that perfect conformation shot. One foot is always off, or I didn't get down low enough. Or she looks just pissed off.

Wording what she does do, not much. Putting a positive tilt on everything, but not hiding the problem. Even harder when her biggest problem is me! "It's not her, it's me" doesn't go over any better in an ad than it does when ending a relationship.

Now R's assistant (DH) will be riding her for the next two weeks but that isn't going to do much. I need to find someone who will keep riding her and show her for me. Or at least let me video tape her riding Kinsey because I don't think I will be getting on her. Unfortunately that makes Kinsey looks bad too. (Again it's not her it's me.)

Then the tire kickers. I already got a response. I think that it was a scam. I got a response about Dom too, but get this. She called while I was at work. I called her back within a few hour and left a message. She works at a local home and garden place so I dropped by today, I wanted some plants anyway. Meet her and introduce myself. She already found two other donkeys because I "didn't get back to her." It had not even been 24 hours!

I did manage to get some video. Not the best, my first attempt at video:

Riding Lesson # 5 & Bad News

First of all I had a wonderful ride on Drew. He was a bit of a dink, but overall I am feeling so much more comfortable. I am taking more control of Drew, not letting him get away with as much. I was thinking of the rhythm and obedience a lot and although it was not perfect, in part because I am still getting my "sea legs" back.

The bad new came later. We took Kinsey out for awhile and I think I got the first honest opinion of her. She was not horrible, but she is just as I have been saying. Sensitive, very forward, and not as calm as I would like a horse to be. D.H., R's assistant, said that she acts like she just has not had a lot of handling. Just had a saddle thrown on her and gone. When she is asked to do things she has a bit of a temper tantrum and is just unhappy camper. They are going to start riding her on Monday.

After R and I talked. What kind of horse do I want? And the fact of the matter, Kinsey is not a good horse for me. I have worked really hard to get my confidence back. I have been riding a horse that is sensible, but not perfect. Drew spooks, but he just gives things the eye, not head for the hills. As the question was posed to me, do I really want to lose all that confidence with one big spook from Kinsey? No, I don't.

I know that there is a lot of talk floating around how we shouldn't sell a horse. That once we buy it it is ours for life. I think I own it to Kinsey to find her a good home, the best home I can. I don't think I would do her any service of keeping her around, not willing to ride her because I am afraid what what she will do.

A Special Surprise from New Mexico!

Today I am taking a deep breath before the day starts. Saturday was quite a day. Waves of happiness mixed with swells of sadness. Excitement and angst swirled together. Sunday was a mass of activity. Here and there and baking for Mom. Monday will be back to the grind. Volunteering at the humane society and work.

On Saturday, R picked up Kinsey will no incident, but I hate my horses not being in my control. I have taken care of my own horses since I was 16. Every time I board I just get a little worried. Not that I don't trust the people who are caring for my horses, but I have had a lot of bad experiences boarding. I know that Kinsey is safe and she will be happy with R but I think part of this angst is wondering if I will be selling this mare or making a partner. I drove over behind R so I could take her off the trailer. The great thing about R is his attitude was, "What every makes you happy." Honestly I just wanted to make sure she didn't think she was sold.

When I got home I drove my mother down to IL to pick up something she ordered. Not much to say other than it was a long drive. When we got back a special package from Lisa (Laughing Orca Ranch) was in my mail box. Some of you may remember a while back Lisa had a contest to give a caption to a completely hilarious picture of a hunt rider on a dachshund on her blog Laughing Orca Ranch. She chose me as the "weinner."

Let me tell you it really brightened my day! First of all she enclose a book I have really been wanting to read Michael Korda's Horse People: Scenes from the Riding Life. A key chain that says: New Mexico, just in time to replace my broken key chain and I will think of her every time I see it. Finally seeds. . . . ohhhh . . tomatoes, winter squash, and swiss chard. And these aren't just any seeds, no these are survival seeds from HomeTownSeeds.com These are seeds that are 100% non-hybrid, 100% non-GMO. Unlike the hybrid seeds that we often get from seed companies, I can save these seeds from year to year and they will grow true. Woo Hoo! You can learn more about these seeds on my other blog: Straw Bale Garden.

Later I found April in the beginning of kidding. Since I have had such bad luck with kidding this year, the moment I thought it was taking too long I took her to the vets. It turns out everything was find and she had the little darling that you have previously seen posted. It was sweet though. I was sitting in a stall at the vets office and talking to the vet on call. I was planning on going home for a few hours and maybe coming back later. April laid down next to me and started having contractions. She pushed and out came the little legs, nose, and finally all of May.

Sunday I just ran, from going to visit Kinsey to making sure May was nursing almost every hour, to making breakfast, cake, and dinner for my mom, it was a rush. I had a great shot on my camera of Kinsey touching plastic bags. . . you read that right. But I was fiddling with the camera and deleted the shots on accident. So you will have to take my word for it that Kinsey, on her own, walked up and touched a while plastic bag!

Today should just be darn relaxing compared to the past two!

Rain Rain. . . comes our way.

I have to be honest. I have not been working with the horses this week. I have been cleaning the house. Then today when I could work the horses, it has been raining all day. It comes back to this balance thing. Sometimes my personal life has issues I have to deal with and sometimes its the horses. I would love to have the resources to devote to the horses all the time, but like most people, I don't.

Since I am being honest, I will be a little more. I was in a bad place for a few years, a really bad place. I was very depressed. My life got very out of whack. My career, my emotional and physical health, all took a hit. I had no control and just felt so alone. I know that I am not alone feeling alone. A lot of us feel that way. Isn't that sad? So many of use all feeling alone? Anyway. . .

I am still getting back on my feet, but the one thing I realized about 3 years ago is that horses are my therapy; they are my antidepressant. Unfortunately they are expensive therapy and are not covered by insurance.

I tried to do things the cheapest way possible. One of the things I did was "ride the horse you have." I really shouldn't have. When I fell off Abby, I fell so hard. Not just physically either. I was trying to make a positive change and landed flat on . . . well my wrist! It was good though, all I could think about was how to get back in the saddle. It really showed me where I was and what was important to me. Horses are the thing that give me bliss and allows the rest of my life to made sense.

I look forward to the days I get to ride or drive with such a longing. Then I return home and look at a pasture of horses. None of which can be used for one reason or another. Kinsey needs a saddle and maybe some training. I would like to drive Abby but that is another harness and wagon, besides the training she would need. I need a safe environment to ride either of this horse as of right now and I don't have that either. My cart needs shafts. Madison needs a harness that would fit her and training. Ike really needs a new harness, one that has breeching. Sophie need training, she may need a harness or she may be able to use Ike's.

"Inch by inch, life is a cinch. Yard by yard it is very hard." Sometime when I try to focus on all of these things and get great grandiose plans I need to remember this. Focus on a few small things and then I can move on.

Thanks to a very special person, I am getting support to get things in a little more order. Kinsey leaves tomorrow to go to R. I am really looking forward to just seeing what he says. She maybe my next riding horse or she may be on the market. She is a good horse either way. I just want her to to be used and not sit through her prime. Thanks to R I am not as self conscious about my weigh, so Ike is just waiting until I get shafts. I ordered them this week, my reward for slaving away getting 1/3 of the house in order. Then I will have a horse that I can do something with finally. I think I can make his harness work for now, I just can't go very far because of the breeching problem and the terrain around here.

So as the rain comes, it makes the earth muddy. From that mud grows beautiful flowers, wholesome food, and life. I'll wait to see what will grow from this rain.

Driving lesson #8

Lesson is a day early this week. I have an appointment with someone at the house tomorrow and had to take my lesson a day early. That appointment is also why I have not been blogging. I have to make the main level of the house look presentable. I hate cleaning. I really do. So I have been setting aside time every day to clean. I clean an area and then read a chapter in book, my reward. Then clean the next area, and read. I actually get a lot more done that way. Anyway, I digress.

I drove Corrie single again. Corrie is on the larger size for a haflinger, she is on the wide side too. That wide load sign we have on the back of the cart really fits. Now I am not picking on Corrie, she is a good driving horse. I like her personality, albeit she is a bit marish, but like me Corrie enjoys her food a tad bit too much. R actually said he thought that overall Corrie would be a better match for me than Drew. She actually does ride too, Drew is not fond of driving. During my next riding lesson R said he would ride Corrie. I guess she is steady under saddle, but doesn't know a whole lot.

We went out "driving fences". I like to do practical thing when I am working with my horses. I don't know, maybe I am just more of a farmer at heart or what, but I love to haul logs, check the fences, and spread hay instead of just practice maneuvers. As we rode along the hot fence we looked for places it might be shorting out. R would hop out while Corrie and I waited. R mentioned that I seemed a lot more relaxed now.

I guess I have hit a good place. I was not really worried about Corrie running off, I would have freaked if she had, but at the same time I know I can handle it now. I have lost that feeling that at any second my horse is going to spook and run off. I am starting to really have confidence in both myself and my horse. Reason one to get a horse you can have confidence in.

When I first started taking lesson with R he said that he probably has a 100 run offs a day. At least I think he said 100, doesn't really matter. What he meant was how we prepare and react to the horse is more important that if the horse is ready to spook or not. He does not actually have that many run offs, just that he is prepared and stops the run off before it is even in the horses mind to do it. Stopping that run off might mean not even getting on that horse, or hitching that horse to today and working on ground manners. It might mean taking a tighter rein to reassure the horse that you are there as soon as his ears start flicking this way or that. With Corrie it means keeping her focused on her job as she tends to like to sight see. I understood the concept before, but now I am starting to really understand how I can apply that.

I thought back to the last time I saw Kinsey ridden and she spooked. The young lady didn't react fast enough and we had a runaway. At the time I blamed Kinsey. She didn't react the way I want my horse to. Now I my thinking is that I put too much blame on Kinsey. I am not going to hash out all my feelings about why that runaway occurred, just to say that there was more than just Kinsey to blame. Myself, as her owner, included. And is really could have been prevented. So I am prepared for her next spook now.

Kinsey leaves on Saturday. I will go over with her. See that she gets settled in and generally make a pest of myself. I think I have said before that truly believe horses really need some time to settle in to a new environement. Working with them too quickly just adds additional stress to the already stressful move. R was really pleased that I wanted her to have some time to get used to the place too, really makes me feel, again, that this is going to be a good experience for her. So she is going to just be boarded out there for the first week. Now that she knows me and is starting to trust me I am going to handle her and play with her a little during that week. There is a round pen I am really itching to get her in. Then R will work with her for two weeks and we will see how things go from there.

Oh course, I am hoping that he says she is great and I will be fine with her. So that is what we shooting for. But if she isn't, well it is better to know that now.

Now what?! Keep Moving Forward

Trotting was such a big demon for me. I am not even sure why now. Logically there are reasons, but when it came right down to it, I was not even nervous. Now two weeks before I was a little shaky when we got a fast walk. So what happened?

As I mentioned before, on the drive over, I all of a sudden remember that I have trotted a lot. I could feel the trot, the rhythm, and how my body feels at the trot. I knew this feeling, it was home. I also knew that I had control of this horse. R.'s horses are calm, reliable and well trained. In the arena ,on Drew, I really did not have anything to fear.

I think I did figure somethings out. Each new milestone is going to be overcome in a different way. My plan for progression is going to need to be adapted after each new milestone. And of course, "Keep moving forward," That is from Meet the Robinsons.


Yup, I think that keep moving forward pretty much sums it up. What is that next step to take to keep moving forward? I guess I can look at sending Kinsey off as the next step. Really there is nothing to overcome with that step. Once she is evaluated, I am sure there will be steps to take. Either to sell or get her riding.

I need to keep riding Drew, if Drew is sold that is going to be a problem. I need miles. I'll have to start all over with another horse. I wish I had the money to buy Drew, but he is out of my budget so that is basically out of the question. I have things I want to work on just because I feel I rode horribly, but I am rusty. It has been about 4 years since I was really riding so no matter the horse, I need to get myself coordinated again.

Another step is to step it up again with the weight loss and fitness goals. I really need to kick myself in the butt and get going again. I admit I have been slacking. Enough of that.

I thought I had it all figured out when I got on Bill. Visualization was the key. Well, it was the key for getting on Bill. I am seeing that each new milestone will be unique. I did not do as much actual visualization to trot as assessing the risk and remembering what it felt like, and realizing what the hold back was. I am sure that for what ever comes next, it will grow organically. I am going to page though Jane Savoie's book again. I know that there will be steps that will work better now than they would have before.

So I have some things to do. Get Kinsey over to R. (she is going on the 8th), keep riding Drew, and get busy on my fitness and weight loss goals. And Keep moving forward. . .

A milestone with Kinsey

Last night I walked out in to the pasture to bring in the herd. My horses live in a dry lot. They have a green pasture and get to go out to play for about 3 hours. They eat, roll, and otherwise have a heck of a lot of fun. Then I bring them back into the dry lot, well after today rather a mud lot. Preserving the grass is my goal every year. The horses know the drill. Friskily they run a little here and they and head for home where hay awaits them.

Last night I went out to bring them in. They were not out for as long as I have been venturing all over Wisconsin to repopulate my poultry population that has taken a toll due to a resident fox. They were out for a bit though. I quietly walk out and watched them greedily gobble up a little more grass, effectively ignoring me. Rather rare really. Especially the minis like to schmooze.

Then I caught Kinsey's eye. She started to walk toward me as I stood still as an old oak tree. Steadily she closed the distance between us. My heart started to rise in my chest. Was she really going to come up to me? Two lengths away she started to veer to the left. No! My heart called to her. "Come here Kinsey," I said aloud, "Come 'ere.

Her eye gave off a little spark, never departing from mine. Her path may have faltered a bit, but then she set her course back toward me. TO ME! She walked up, the last steps only a little timidly. She put her nose out so I could pet her. She did! I rubbed her face a few times. She bravely stood there and then her nature over came her and she trotted off.

But she came up to me! I did not step to her at all, she came to me. For any of my other equine friends this is just second nature, but for Kinsey it was a real milestone!

Driving Lesson #7

I didn't have a lesson last week because of Midwest Horse Fair. So I should have had a riding lesson, but since I missed my driving lesson I did that this week. Not that it matters all that much, but I wanted to drive.

Call me chicken, call me more interested in driving. I don't know for sure. I do know that driving is helping me more comfortable dealing with spooks. Really it does. It just tips my nerves up a notch, but not too much. If you remember from the video a few weeks back we need to move into the uncomfortable zone, but not so far in that we end up in the fear zone. For example, today I had to wait while R. did something outside the cart. Corrie wanted to back up. I felt that momentary nervousness because of a lack of control. I knew how to ask her to step forward. So I asked her. We had to do that a few time. She actually was fairly good, some issues, but R said I handled them well. It was little bit of nervousness, but that fact that I could it that helps me feel a little more in control.

I realized that is why I feel so afraid. I have that loss of control because I asked Abby to stop and she didn't. I don't know if I was not forceful enough, or she was just ignoring me or what. It is hard to think back to moments before I fell. I remember it all but analyzing exactly what when wrong is difficult. I do know remember feeling out of control.

R and I talked about Kinsey again. I swear I am starting to sound like Saturday morning breakfast with all my waffling. I think that maybe I should send her over to him for just a 2 week evaluation. He can get on her and see what she is really like and give me an honest evaluation of if she would be right for me or if I should sell her now. She is not a bad horse, she is actually a very good horse and probably has some hidden talent in there. But to be honest, I am not sure if she is still a good horse for me. If there is potential, then she can stay there for a little while, and she will be the next horse I start riding in lessons. If she just isn't going to be right for me, it is still early in the year and maybe I can find a nice home where she would be better used. If she is at R's then we have a round pen and a arena for people to try her in. The alternative is that she sit here for two years and becomes a 12 year old horse that has sat for two years and nobody wants. Honestly that is not fair to her or me. Meanwhile if the right horse did come around I could not get it because I have too many right now. Also working 3 horses a day, taking care of the house, working, and doing everything else that I have to do it really hard.

I will say that we have made some improvements. You can see in her picture, she is licking. Does a lot of thinking that one. (Ignore the rope around her neck, it is a long story and not very interesting) She is getting easier to catch, is doing really well with everything I am asking and I really enjoy working with her. It is just in the back of my mind I am thinking, "Is this a waste of time." Why put all the work into her when she is just not going to be a horse that I can ride when I could just take her to R. and find out. And when I could be putting that time into Ike or Madison. Ya know? To many horses not enough time.

After the lesson I came home and ground drove Ike. I had him pulling a little sled. We walked around and picked up branches and what not from around the yard so we had lots of "whoa" standing while I picked up sticks, scary sounds of dragging the sled across the driveway. All excellent stuff. He was nervous about the driveway, but after we went over it a few time he got much better. I have to order the shafts to fix my cart so I can actually drive whenever I want. That will be fun!

What's happened to Kinsey?

Besides all the photos of her and Abby, I really have not mentioned too much about Kinsey lately. I have been giving Kinsey an unfair shake. My attitude has been an absolute Negative Nelly when it comes to her.

"Oh look Kinsey is afraid of a brush." "Guess what Kinsey doesn't want to be caught." "Oh great, yet another thing Kinsey is afraid of!" I could check off the number of things that Kinsey has done to disappointment me. I won't though.

I need to stop saying to myself, complete with eye roll, "Purchasing this horse was a huge mistake." It may sound very callous of me to think of her that way. I made a mistake. I should have followed my gut and not purchased Kinsey, but alas I didn't. After weighing my options, at the time, I though that selling Abby and buying a horse more suitable for me would be the best choice. Although Abby is still here and Kinsey is not what I would call suitable at this point. The fact of the matter is that I just have to get over that part.

I have been working with Kinsey on and off. Something else would frustrate me about her and confirm yet again why buying her was a mistake. She has never liked to be caught but she was getting worse. Well why should she want to be caught when I had such a bad attitude. Not that I was anything but kind to her, but I think she knew how I felt. She could feel my frustrations, even though I tried to hide it. Kinsey is a very sensitive horse.

I have been thinking about Kinsey's attitude. She act like what I would think a horse that was in a Clint Anderson demo probably acts like. You know the demos right, he takes a completely untrained horse, chases it around for two hours and when the horse is so tired it can't move he stands on the horses back cracks a whip declaring that the horse is trained. Yes I did watch him do that on a video once, made me sick. Anyway that is what Kinsey acts like. She knows what she is supposed to do, but scared shiftless when you ask her to.

Well what do I keep saying? Has anyone been paying attention? Be positive!

After Midwest Horse Fair and listening to some suggestions by Tommy Garland, I decided to start over with her. Tommy talked about doing the same activity for 7 days. His point being that you can't do some of these activities too much, for example: teaching "whoa" on verbal command. Not only does it make sure that the horse knows the command well, but it also build the horse's confidence. He made a few comments about how the horse looked calm and wasn't sweating bullets either . . . unlike some training methods. He didn't actually say, "unlike some training methods," but it was clearly implied.

Another clinician, from Harmony Horsemanship, as well as Tommy discussed how a horse gains confidence as they learn a new obstacle. Such obstacles as ground polos, bridges, the big ball, etc. help the horse to become desensitize to various objects. Linda Tellington Jones also mentions building a playground for the horse with some of these same obstacles for the very same reasons. Of course as the horse does things successfully, it is going to gain more confidence. A half pass, leg yield, spin, sliding stop, it really doesn't matter to the horse. You don't need to use a big ball, bridges, or other things like that, but it makes it fun for the trainer. And isn't that why I have horses? To have fun with them?

So most of my energy has been focused on Kinsey and Abby the past few days. I take Kinsey out, she is getting much better about being caught. Then I groom her and work some TTouch into the routine. She hates to be touched around her poll. I tried to see if my Australian stock saddle fit her and she was really upset by that so I have gone back to just a saddle pad and getting her used to that. Then we practice "whoa" in a rope halter. She is so sensitive I have a really soft rope halter, thick and with no knots. She basically knew what I was asking even on the first day, but she did it with head up, and at breakneck speed. Now we are fine tuning and allowing her to be more calm while doing it. We even started moving on to pole work. Finally I end with clicker training, a little hand grazing and grooming. She really like to get treats and she needs to be touched a lot.

I have been looking for what Kinsey does right:
+She picks up her feet really well to be picked out.
+She knows a lot of commands and cues already.
+Kinsey picks things up quickly and really thinks.
+She is not afraid of water or being hosed down.
+She is a very sensitive horse that tries.
+Kinsey is not afraid of fly spray.
+ And she has such a sweet face!

Just like I need to build on my positives I will need to build on Kinsey's. I don't know if I will ride Kinsey. I am going to be more positive and maybe if things go well, I will. I think I want to wait to send her to training until I have her more confident on the ground. So that is what is up with Kinsey.

Sunday Stills

Sunday Stills this week is just a pot luck.
Another Texas Thunder shot:Muddy, I just think Abby has a cute expression here. Something along the lines of. . . "What the hell are you doing on the ground in the mud?":

Remmy getting ready to help me blog:Best buds:

Rocky in the violets:

Relax in the Pasture

After reading some of the blogs ( seen on the right) I decided to just sit out with my horses. The barn can wait. I took Laura Crum's Going, Gone out in to the pasture along with a folding chair and just sat down.

The reactions from my horses was funny and not exactly what I expected. Kinsey treated me with the normal indifference, she seems no more or and maybe a little less upset that she normally does. Abby on the other hand was not sure what the heck to make of me. She looked up from her grazing, stared, and snorted. Walking around, giving me a large berth, she continued to snort and blow. Eventually she tired of watching me and went back to eating. Madison was the brave little girl, man I wish she was large enough to ride, she came up and sniffed. She wanted her scratched and searched me for treats. Ike was a little more nervous but eventually came over for a few scratches. Sophie would never come over and Dominique was nervous too, but he did stop by to sniff me.

I sat out there getting more and more engrossed in the mystery set out west surrounding the murder of a brother and sister. The story features horses as a central focus and it is so nice to read a story about horses where the author actually knows what she is talking about. No making love the back of a horse with the lover's heads on the horses flanks~ never figures out how that was possible. Anyway I will be a better review of the book when I am finished which I am sure will be in the next few days.

Abby and Kinsey spooking and came running around the field. With the minis out front, Abby was following up behind. They were headed straight for me. Abby, I don't think, still realized who I was. As I watched her massive chest and legs pounding the ground heading toward me I thought, "gee, I wonder if she'll stop." Of course she did. Stopped, and snorted, then continued on with her grazing.

In the pasture, the sun shining down, and my horse grazing around me I realized this was just about as perfect as it could get. It was a very nice way to pass a few hours.

Hey Hay!

Hay is a necessary evil of having horses. Okay maybe evil is not the right word, but it drains the bank account, has to be delivered before I actually run out, and I have to search around for my inhaler. Although the best feeling in the world is seeing the hay stacked in the barn.
This morning I knew that the hay man was coming. A sort of spring cleaning had to take place. Before he got here, there had to be a place for the hay.
A barn is a natural place, and as we all know nature abhors a vacuum. So empty space, say space that once held hay that has all been eaten, fills up with other things. Things like a cart, a bright orange mini horse blankets, a dozen or so mini horse halters that don't fit anyone, baling twine, garbage, and stuff.
Stuff like this:And this:And this:
With all the stuff on the lawn now, it is time to sweep and clean the pallets. Collecting the old hay pallets, pulling all the hay that had worked it way down between the boards, and settled on the bottom is lots of . . . fun? The part that touched the cement floor has molded, mice have built nests in it and spiders have made webs. What looks like a little bit of hay packed into the pallets turns out to be a big fluffy mess that I then have to load and move out of the barn.

Hauling, throwing, scraping, sweeping. Coughing, hacking, wheezing, sneezing.

At least I have John to help me out:
Finally! Hay! 10 big bales! That should last us a few months!But it is all worth it if they are happy right?

Puzzling Animals

Don't animals just offer the strangest puzzles to solve? Everything goes along fine and then all of a sudden another challenging behavior. In this household it doesn always have to be a horse either. My dog Zoe, 3/4 dachshund 1/4 jrt, has all of a sudden gotten more aggressive toward the other animals. Yesterday she attacked a cat. NOT allowed. I have seen her pounce on my silky chicken, and snap at the ducklings. Things she has never done before.

So what happened? I mean I can not have her attacking cats! How do I handle it now? She has always had a high prey drive, but managed to keep in under control around the cats and chickens.

Well like any change in behavior I started to look at what had changed. Recently we started using an invisible fence, not a big fan of them, but Zoe would be good for a few days and then run down and out to the street. Bad, but we live on a dead end so not as bad as it could be. The worst was my Bichon, Gracie. All of a sudden she started taking off, going down the road and then out to another road, on her way to a county highway. Not a good place, so we started using the fence. It works great. Zoe can be outside a lot more now, which she loves. BUT because she could, I was not playing ball with her. BINGO. Zoe needs to get rid of excess energy.

So we have started playing ball. She has been as good as gold since. She has not even looked at the cats. She likes to chase things, so I am giving her an acceptable time and place to chase.

Now if I can just unlock the mystery into Kinsey's mind. . . .

Juggling

I have too many horses that are not doing anything. I know that. I do not want to have them sit there. Every spring "I am going to do something with them this year!" Then April hits and we have rain. I don't have an indoor and Abby is hell on the lawn so it has been a challenge. Well this spring is no different in that respect but I am getting more serious about having horses in my life. I have to take care of them day in a day out and although that is very enjoyable I want to do more. Which is why I got Kinsey, she is turning into just as much of a challenge as the rest of them though.

I have come to some conclusions.

*One is that I like to drive. I like it a lot. I am not as fearful driving and if that is all I can do I'll do that to the best of my ability. So I am going drive.

*Second is that I am not ready to ride any horse I own now. So riding lesson horses is going to have to be it for awhile. I do have a goal to go on at least on trail ride this year.

*Third is I have to really take a look at my herd. I don't have need for 3 mini horses, 2 mini donkeys, and 2 horses. I really need to look at what I want to do and which equine will meet that need. Then take steps to seriously try to sell to someone who will use that horse. This is really going to be hard.

*Four is that I really have to get some help from a professional. I have never ever asked anyone else to train my horse(s) before. I have asked to have someone exercise or allowed others to use my horse, but never to train. So this is going to be something new for me. I think I found someone I am comfortable with.

* Finally five, I am going to further my horses' (donkeys') training while they are here. This is another hard once since there are so many of them. I have split them into two groups: three one day and three the next. I am actually writing down a plan for each horse (donk). So they will each be worked 3 days a week.

April Winds

It is windy today and has been for the past few days. Since I have a lot of farm land around me wind just rushes through the property like a freight train. The farmer has been disking his field so that adds dirt into the wind, not really a nice day to be outside. But the temperature is pleasant, and there is work to do to.

So I grab my hammer and fencing building materials and start fencing a new pasture. I am pounding away and watching the horses. Kinsey starts prances up and down the paddock. Her tail flips up and she empties herself getting ready to flee. When she does stop Kinsey looks like this:
Is she on high alert because of the farmer in his field?
Is it because of the wind? Or me hammering? I should also mention that she has calmed down a lot here. I had to get the camera, change the batteries and get back outside. Notice that all the other horses are not upset by this strange intrusion in to Kinsey's world. They are looking at me take pictures, she is solely focused on what is bothering her.
I guess I should show you what Kinsey is freaked about:
Now really are these two that scary?

Wordless Wednesday