I have to be honest. I have not been working with the horses this week. I have been cleaning the house. Then today when I could work the horses, it has been raining all day. It comes back to this balance thing. Sometimes my personal life has issues I have to deal with and sometimes its the horses. I would love to have the resources to devote to the horses all the time, but like most people, I don't.
Since I am being honest, I will be a little more. I was in a bad place for a few years, a really bad place. I was very depressed. My life got very out of whack. My career, my emotional and physical health, all took a hit. I had no control and just felt so alone. I know that I am not alone feeling alone. A lot of us feel that way. Isn't that sad? So many of use all feeling alone? Anyway. . .
I am still getting back on my feet, but the one thing I realized about 3 years ago is that horses are my therapy; they are my antidepressant. Unfortunately they are expensive therapy and are not covered by insurance.
I tried to do things the cheapest way possible. One of the things I did was "ride the horse you have." I really shouldn't have. When I fell off Abby, I fell so hard. Not just physically either. I was trying to make a positive change and landed flat on . . . well my wrist! It was good though, all I could think about was how to get back in the saddle. It really showed me where I was and what was important to me. Horses are the thing that give me bliss and allows the rest of my life to made sense.
I look forward to the days I get to ride or drive with such a longing. Then I return home and look at a pasture of horses. None of which can be used for one reason or another. Kinsey needs a saddle and maybe some training. I would like to drive Abby but that is another harness and wagon, besides the training she would need. I need a safe environment to ride either of this horse as of right now and I don't have that either. My cart needs shafts. Madison needs a harness that would fit her and training. Ike really needs a new harness, one that has breeching. Sophie need training, she may need a harness or she may be able to use Ike's.
"Inch by inch, life is a cinch. Yard by yard it is very hard." Sometime when I try to focus on all of these things and get great grandiose plans I need to remember this. Focus on a few small things and then I can move on.
Thanks to a very special person, I am getting support to get things in a little more order. Kinsey leaves tomorrow to go to R. I am really looking forward to just seeing what he says. She maybe my next riding horse or she may be on the market. She is a good horse either way. I just want her to to be used and not sit through her prime. Thanks to R I am not as self conscious about my weigh, so Ike is just waiting until I get shafts. I ordered them this week, my reward for slaving away getting 1/3 of the house in order. Then I will have a horse that I can do something with finally. I think I can make his harness work for now, I just can't go very far because of the breeching problem and the terrain around here.
So as the rain comes, it makes the earth muddy. From that mud grows beautiful flowers, wholesome food, and life. I'll wait to see what will grow from this rain.