Friday, May 7, 2010

Rain Rain. . . comes our way.

I have to be honest. I have not been working with the horses this week. I have been cleaning the house. Then today when I could work the horses, it has been raining all day. It comes back to this balance thing. Sometimes my personal life has issues I have to deal with and sometimes its the horses. I would love to have the resources to devote to the horses all the time, but like most people, I don't.

Since I am being honest, I will be a little more. I was in a bad place for a few years, a really bad place. I was very depressed. My life got very out of whack. My career, my emotional and physical health, all took a hit. I had no control and just felt so alone. I know that I am not alone feeling alone. A lot of us feel that way. Isn't that sad? So many of use all feeling alone? Anyway. . .

I am still getting back on my feet, but the one thing I realized about 3 years ago is that horses are my therapy; they are my antidepressant. Unfortunately they are expensive therapy and are not covered by insurance.

I tried to do things the cheapest way possible. One of the things I did was "ride the horse you have." I really shouldn't have. When I fell off Abby, I fell so hard. Not just physically either. I was trying to make a positive change and landed flat on . . . well my wrist! It was good though, all I could think about was how to get back in the saddle. It really showed me where I was and what was important to me. Horses are the thing that give me bliss and allows the rest of my life to made sense.

I look forward to the days I get to ride or drive with such a longing. Then I return home and look at a pasture of horses. None of which can be used for one reason or another. Kinsey needs a saddle and maybe some training. I would like to drive Abby but that is another harness and wagon, besides the training she would need. I need a safe environment to ride either of this horse as of right now and I don't have that either. My cart needs shafts. Madison needs a harness that would fit her and training. Ike really needs a new harness, one that has breeching. Sophie need training, she may need a harness or she may be able to use Ike's.

"Inch by inch, life is a cinch. Yard by yard it is very hard." Sometime when I try to focus on all of these things and get great grandiose plans I need to remember this. Focus on a few small things and then I can move on.

Thanks to a very special person, I am getting support to get things in a little more order. Kinsey leaves tomorrow to go to R. I am really looking forward to just seeing what he says. She maybe my next riding horse or she may be on the market. She is a good horse either way. I just want her to to be used and not sit through her prime. Thanks to R I am not as self conscious about my weigh, so Ike is just waiting until I get shafts. I ordered them this week, my reward for slaving away getting 1/3 of the house in order. Then I will have a horse that I can do something with finally. I think I can make his harness work for now, I just can't go very far because of the breeching problem and the terrain around here.

So as the rain comes, it makes the earth muddy. From that mud grows beautiful flowers, wholesome food, and life. I'll wait to see what will grow from this rain.


  1. One step at a time - and that's what you're doing, which is great - that's what each of us has to do, and sometimes it's harder and sometimes it's easier. Sounds like you're making progress, though - like the picture!

  2. Your making progress, thats good!

    Try for shaves and other misc cart parts. I have a harness nylon harness that will fit a horse to a small draft and possibly more/less if you punch more holes in it. The back pad, breeching etc. I do have lines I would part with but they are nylon so you would need to drive with gloves and a bridle but it has an overcheck instead of a side check I have never used because of the kind of check and because it's bitted. I would part for it for 80$ if you are interested, with a back pad.

    If you don't have a cart you should make a stone boat. I made one out of some old pallets and a old yolk from one of our team training carts. I used it in the snow before but it's great if you are picking up rocks or stuff in the field. Good way to start to break a horse to drive by the time you get the cart on them, especially if picking up rocks etc they are nice and ready to stand still when you ask.

  3. I've found that doing things 'cheap' always ends up costing me more - especially when you add in time. I always end up with something that doesn't really quite work. I've recently learned this lesson for what I hope will be the last time.

    Pastures are filled with horses that aren't ridden, I hope you find the right solution to bring you back in the saddle.

  4. Sorry I'm so far behind on your blog again. I'm going to try to catch up tonight.

    I'm with you on the horse being an antidepressant. I was really lost when I moved away from my home town and had to start from scratch. No job, no friends, no horse, nothing. It took me a looooooong time to adjust. Getting Chrome has helped me immensely. I feel like I have something to work toward again, goals, reasons to get up in the morning. And he has such a calming effect on me. I don't think I could ever survive without horses again. Those were the worst two years in my entire life. I'm glad you have your horses to help you. And I'm glad you're making small steps toward your goals. You're doing great!


Thank you so much for your positive comments. I love you hear from you!