Corrie out with the herd

PICTURES!

Corrie was really cute today. I thought she would be totally trying to be alpha mare. Instead she is acting like the new kid at school. If I got out to the pasture she is right there with me. Otherwise she looks a little lost. I think she wants to make friends, especially with Ike and Rocky ( she is in heat). It will be interesting to see how she fits into the herd.

I want Corrie to become comfortable with the pasture areas as that is where I will ride and drive her at first. I already did some ground work out there with her and she was fairly focused. She looked around, but mainly stayed with her attention on me.

Then she went out with Ike, Sophie, and Madison.









But she has to wear a grazing muzzle and the flies are awful so she wears a fly mask too. Looks like she is into bondage or something doesn't it?





She had a good roll.









And looks at how much weight she has lost! Looks pretty good huh?!



Pretty good second day I'd say.

Too Excited . . . Corrie is home

"To many, the words love, hope, and dreams are synonymous with horses."
~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

I got up at 4 am this morning. I just could not sleep. You would think this was my first horse and I was getting her new today! I am just so excited to have Corrie home.

Corrie is truly a special little horse. I felt an instant bond to her the first time I drove her. It is amazing just how you can click or not with a horse. Kinsey never felt like my horse. From the moment I wrote out the check for her I felt like I bought her for someone else, and maybe I did. But even before I wrote a check I knew Corrie was my horse. Never during the time that I was trying her out did I feel she belonged to anyone but me.

Now she is on my property. She is getting along with the minis. Well minus Rocky, stallion ya know. I keep him separate, but they see each other over the fence. She is not as found of Sophie, but Corrie used to be kept with young jack colts to teach them some manners. Apparently she was enthusiastic about her job, too enthusiastic. So she does not like donkeys, but I am hoping that she will warm up Sophie. Madison is still alpha mare so far. Kind of funny that little Madison tells big ol' Corrie to get out of the way.

Sensei gave me a mini ground lesson before he left. Corrie was very up, more up than I think I have ever seen her actually. Her feet definately were not hurting her at all. At one point she leapt and pulled away from me. I was a bit shocked, she has never done anything like that before. The girl has some spirit after all.

Now she is just chilling out. I wanted to do more with her today, but as soon as I got home from work the the thunder started. Damn it! Tomorrow a bath!

Picture to come soon.

One important step: Find a trainer

*WARNING* This is a long post.
In Jillian Micheal's book on weight loss she says that you need a support base of: a partner in crime, a mentor, and a fan. Same can apply to any behavioral change your trying to make. This post is about the mentor. It has been something I have wanted to blog about for awhile. I think that getting a trainer is the second most important thing I did to start the journey of getting over fear, yet it took me forever to do it. The first was to change my mindset to be more positive. After that I think finding a trainer I could work with has been priceless. It may be costing me a pretty penny, but I am riding again.

Sensei was not the first trainer I tried though.

I did find one great trainer a few years ago, but she had some issues of her own to deal with. So while it was great in lessons the rest of the time it was like dealing with a time bomb. She did teach me so much about getting a better seat. She also gave me lot of back handed complements. Like telling me that while other people would say I was too heavy to ride, she would work with me because she though I rode well. Or that I shouldn't worry about my large calves because that was the way I was and even though most people want thin calves, I would never have them but that was okay. Well I never was upset about the size of my calves until after that conversation. I stayed with her for as long as I could because she knew her stuff about biomechanics and was helping in that area so much. Finally it was too much though.

I left her just after I bought Abby. I actually would have never bought Abby if I had known I would lose my trainer. At that point though, I sort of thought I was well on my way and could handle Abby on my own. Besides she had ingrained it in my head that I was so heavy no other trainer would work with me. I was terrified of looking for another one. FYI I am what they call painfully shy.

So with the idea that nobody would work with me on their horse and having no way get my horse to someone or a place to have someone work with me at my place I was stalled for a few years.

During that time I was searching for someone to teach me to drive. I could not find anyone. I would ask around, talk to people who did drive, and nobody in my area taught driving. Or at least that is what I thought. Now just before I bought Kinsey I had gone to look at a very short and ornery Haflinger. I also did a little research about the breed. Wading through the mire of information on the net, I found Sensei. I did not call him then. *kicks self in butt*

Getting the boat load of trouble called Kinsey, I had about given up the idea of riding all together. Horses will be part of my life though, and I wanted to give driving another chance. So finally I did something smart. I called Sensei. Shyness almost won over and if I were not so desperate it really may have won, but I picked up the phone and called.

For driving lesson mind you, nothing else. I was NOT going to take riding lesson from a western guy even if he would let me ride his little horses, something that I highly doubted anyway. Well you know the rest of the story from there. I started driving and then starting sitting on a horse. Finally riding, now I have Corrie. Just goes to show that you can definitely get help from outside your chosen discipline.

If it were not for Sensei I would not be so happy riding again. I would be sitting with two horses I could not do anything with and missing out on riding for yet another summer. Getting a trainer was pivotal.

For the past three years I have been wanting to ride. I have been making little attempts at riding. I have been working, sort of, with my horses. Nothing came to pass because I needed that outside pair of eyes to help me get to my goal. Okay another true confession, I have ADD.

Look a pretty little pony:



See?



I get distracted by this idea and the next. I forget where I am going and end up at the start again. I have done this over and over again. That is one HUGE help that Sensei has given me. When I go out to the barn with some crazy idea, he takes me by the shoulders and turns me back to the goal.

Oh yeah a big pretty pony that I can ride and drive. I remember where I am going now.


That is something that a good trainer should be able to do. Help you find your goals and then stick to the path that takes you there. Weekly I would hear questions about getting my shafts for my cart, ground driving Ike, selling Abby and Kinsey, and other things I had to do to get on the right path for me.

Some of those decisions were really hard to make, like selling Kinsey and Abby. It about tore my heart. I really needed that objective person to help me move on from that point where I had horses that I could not use and were not suited for me at all to finding them good homes so that I could move on to a horse that is much more suited for me. It really has been very liberating.

Not any trainer could have or would helped me through all that. Not every trainer is suited to every student. I told you about one nightmare trainer that was actually good at training, but not as general person. Several years before her I hired a British guy who scammed me out of a lot of money. He seemed knowledgeable about horses in the beginning, but later said some odd things. I would blame odd information on that the fact that he was British. He is actually partly to blame for my fear. Those are the only two trainers I tried to have help me but they really put a bad taste in my mouth about getting help. That doesn't mean though that their aren't great trainers out that that still would not have been right for me. Keep looking until you do find one that you can work with.

So I understand how hard it is to find a good trainer. It isn't easy. I was so gun shy before Sensei. I did not even trust Sensei for a few months. Driving he was knowledge about, but I was not so sure about the riding part. Turns out that he is incredibly knowledge about about horse and people. My first few ground driving lessons were pretty easy stuff. Once we got out in the cart, I think he knew that I just needed to be working with the horse to work through my fear. We did a lot of talking, joking, and teasing. Probably because I was so tense. It was over time that I started to trust him and the horse. So give yourself a few lesson to get to know each other.

It is vitally important to trust your trainer. If you don't feel you can trust him, find one that you can. Especially if you are overcoming fear. You are hiring this person to help you work though some truly scary emotions. A lesson for a person overcoming a fear is very different than a learning to ride/drive lesson. Sensei did not push anything on me, unlike a normal lesson where a good trainer should be pushing you. Or maybe I should say that he was much more subtle about it. He is always waiting for me to make the first move, yet at the same time introducing me to new situations. I was nervous at times but trusted he wouldn't put me in a situation I couldn't handle.

As I get more confident he pushes more, but again that is how it should be. He puts little challenges out there for me. Both to work through on my own with Corrie and in lessons. He still realizes I have issues though. Now that I am feeling more confident, it does not mean that I don't still have fear. I think he realizes that more than I do, he has worked with a lot of people with fear issues. I sometimes think I can go out and do try something new and he will tell me to wait a bit more. Or more often shake his head when I tell him what I did and then tell me to wait a bit.

Trainers are there to be objective and sometime give you a reality check. You need to trust this person. And they need to be knowledgeable enough to be worthy of that trust, again, especially if you have fear issues.

Oh but don't think that I am saying you shouldn't question this person. I think Sensei would be very disappointed in me if I didn't question him to some extent. I want to know why. I don't just assume that he knows what he is talking about, likewise he asks me to explain why I do what I do. I think it is a huge red flag when a trainer doesn't like to be questioned or can't tell you why they are doing something. I am getting better about asking question if I don't understand.

And this maybe one reason that I really like Sensei. He does question me about what I do. Everything I do and rarely excepts an answer of "I don't know." At least not without a follow up lecture as to why it should or should not be done. If I can justify myself, even if it is different than how he does it, it's all good. I am sure that there are some that that would drive them batty.

Which is why you need to find a trainer that works for you. One that you can get along with. Your trainer maybe completely different than mine, but as long as she is knowledgeable, trustworthy, objective, and someone you can work with to meet your goals your on the right path. Just try to find someone and don't give up if the first one doesn't work.

I really wanted to share this because in my journey finding the right trainer has been vital to my success and will continue to be. I did not realize how important that one choice was going to be. Sensei is still going to be there through a whole lot more with me. Getting so I can drive Corrie on my own, bringing her home and driving her around here, going for a trail ride, cantering, and building a good solid relationship with Corrie so that I am not fearful to do all the above things. I know that my journey is far from over but I have a mentor for this journey.

Rain Rain. . . comes our way.

I have to be honest. I have not been working with the horses this week. I have been cleaning the house. Then today when I could work the horses, it has been raining all day. It comes back to this balance thing. Sometimes my personal life has issues I have to deal with and sometimes its the horses. I would love to have the resources to devote to the horses all the time, but like most people, I don't.

Since I am being honest, I will be a little more. I was in a bad place for a few years, a really bad place. I was very depressed. My life got very out of whack. My career, my emotional and physical health, all took a hit. I had no control and just felt so alone. I know that I am not alone feeling alone. A lot of us feel that way. Isn't that sad? So many of use all feeling alone? Anyway. . .

I am still getting back on my feet, but the one thing I realized about 3 years ago is that horses are my therapy; they are my antidepressant. Unfortunately they are expensive therapy and are not covered by insurance.

I tried to do things the cheapest way possible. One of the things I did was "ride the horse you have." I really shouldn't have. When I fell off Abby, I fell so hard. Not just physically either. I was trying to make a positive change and landed flat on . . . well my wrist! It was good though, all I could think about was how to get back in the saddle. It really showed me where I was and what was important to me. Horses are the thing that give me bliss and allows the rest of my life to made sense.

I look forward to the days I get to ride or drive with such a longing. Then I return home and look at a pasture of horses. None of which can be used for one reason or another. Kinsey needs a saddle and maybe some training. I would like to drive Abby but that is another harness and wagon, besides the training she would need. I need a safe environment to ride either of this horse as of right now and I don't have that either. My cart needs shafts. Madison needs a harness that would fit her and training. Ike really needs a new harness, one that has breeching. Sophie need training, she may need a harness or she may be able to use Ike's.

"Inch by inch, life is a cinch. Yard by yard it is very hard." Sometime when I try to focus on all of these things and get great grandiose plans I need to remember this. Focus on a few small things and then I can move on.

Thanks to a very special person, I am getting support to get things in a little more order. Kinsey leaves tomorrow to go to R. I am really looking forward to just seeing what he says. She maybe my next riding horse or she may be on the market. She is a good horse either way. I just want her to to be used and not sit through her prime. Thanks to R I am not as self conscious about my weigh, so Ike is just waiting until I get shafts. I ordered them this week, my reward for slaving away getting 1/3 of the house in order. Then I will have a horse that I can do something with finally. I think I can make his harness work for now, I just can't go very far because of the breeching problem and the terrain around here.

So as the rain comes, it makes the earth muddy. From that mud grows beautiful flowers, wholesome food, and life. I'll wait to see what will grow from this rain.

Rock My World

Just for fun I wanted to show off my stallion. Oh yeah baby, I have a stallion! And here he is:
What a big stud, huh? Rocky is a miniature horse. Don't worry he is not used for breeding. I have had Rocky since he was 4 mos. old. He is now 5. Believe it or not, he has not grown much since I got him. I believe he is 27 in tall. Slightly taller in the winter with all that hair. Rocky is just one of those horses that really stole my heart. I may be a mare person but this little stud has squeezed in there too. It's all good, he isn't that big anyway.

I got some miniature horses after I sold my ottb. That was when I was starting to notice I was more concerned around my horse than I used to be. I was hoping to drive some. I have Ike, you have seen him, but Rocky is just too small for me to drive. My thinking was smaller horse less fear. It was true too.

Rocky is actually a well bred lil guy, but he has two major flaws. When he was just a tyke, before I got him, he got a burr caught in his eye. He still has a little ulcer on that one eye. It causes him to have limited vision in that one eye, but has not caused him any other problems. It is another reason that I chose not to train him to drive. His other major fault is a low tail set, not desirable in the mini world.

I am doing some clicker training with him. He is learning to target and eventually I want to teach him to rear. One of the few horses I would even think of training to do that trick, but since even when he rears his head hardly reaches my shoulders I am not too concerned about it. Plus I have no plans to ever sell this little guy. Heck I figure if I ever have to live in an apartment again I'm just going to call him a big dog.

Actually miniature horses are a great if you have developed a fear of riding the big guys. There is actually a lot you can do with a miniature horse. From halter and driving to in hand trail and jumping classes. Miniature horse eat a whole lot less then the big guys and don't need as much room, although you better have good fencing, minis are terribly cleaver and can open gates. Plus they are as cute as the dickens!

Miniatures were originally bred for pit ponies and small mounts for children. Unlike ponies, minis normally have very good temperaments. Yes there is some Shetland blood in there, and mini are just ponies under 38" in some registries, 34" in others, but minis have been selected for good temperaments as well as size. There are two major registries for minis the American Miniature Horse Association and the American Miniature Horse Registry .

I will try to remember to post some summer pictures of Rocky. You will be amazed at the difference. He actually looks like a little horse instead of a sheep.

Mud! Mud! Mud!

Super. . . snow is gone and we get mud. I mean I know that this is how it goes. Snow, it melt and makes mud. Still, it is icky. . .

Remember the beautiful red dun mare I brought home? Kinsey now looks like this:
Can anyone say ewwwwww?

I know I promised pictures of Kinsey and Abby, but there is a glich. His name is Rock My World, or better known to those who love him as Rocky. I believe Kinsey calls him something else but I don't use that kind of language here. Abby loves Rocky. Oh and if you are looking at that picture and wondering if Rocky can walk under Abby, yes, yes he can. So Abby eats with Rocky and then visits with Kinsey afterward. I just ran out and took these photos because I have been so busy.

Visualization is going well. Really it is. I have been saying my affirmations and everything is having the desired effect, it almost feels boring now. So the nerves are disappearing.

For those of you wondering, you can use visualization for anything from getting your distance correct to a fence to performing the perfect dressage test. Just practice in your mind doing it right and your body doesn't know the different.

A comment below made me think about being a kid. I think we all did do visualization as kids. We just called it daydreaming. I know I sat in class and thought about riding Hope. Running confidently through the woods, then go home and do it.

Back to the fear issues

Yeah, I have this blog and it is about getting over the fear of riding but I end up talking a lot about other stuff. Well didn't have a plan there for awhile so there was not much to talk about in terms of fear. I have a week, though, to build up my nerve to ride Bill.

I did the first few steps. First I found someone that does not care that I am overweight. That was really a huge issue for me. A lot of people don't think someone of my size should be riding, but we do. People who weight more than me ride. Frankly some of them do it much better than their lighter weight counter parts and are easier on the horse. Anyway that is a topic for another time.

The next step: I found a support group for the weight and riding issue. This may have been an even bigger issue for me. I really kept myself from riding with the excuse, I too fat. Well when Amanda at A Far Girl and A Fat Horse started a fourm, I realized that I was not alone and that there were a lot of people who weighted more than me that happily and successfully rode happy horses. I am not going to hurt my horse, especially since I am not going to be ripping over a cross counry field, I am going to be walking, trotting at most, at the moment.

I found a horse that I can ride, Bill, maybe. Bill is a 10 year old halflinger gelding. He stand 13.3 but is as wide as they come. He is used to carrying a heavy rider and is a pretty laid back guy. I just adore Bill actually. A little snotty, but I love snotty horses. I don't know why. Bill has carried children around safely so he is not that snotty.

Finally the trainer I am working with is pretty laid back. I don't really need riding lessons, I just need to get back in the saddle and maybe a few nudges along the way to push myself a little further.

Now I just have to "ride" Bill everyday in my mind's eye. Everything from getting on him to walking around the ring, finally getting off. I need to plan out my script today and start rehearsing it. I also want to find some videos of people riding halflingers and having successful calm rides. I also have to write some affirmations to the effect that I am a calm and confident rider, and able to deal with any situation.

* * * * *

Mean while back at the ranch. Things are continuing on. Abby and Kinsey got to meet on the same side of the fence today. They have been standing next to each other on opposite sides of the fence all week so the greeting when much as I expected. The sniffed each other and went about eating hay out of the same pile. Rather sweet actaully. Now everyone is just chilling.