I didn't have a lesson last week because of Midwest Horse Fair. So I should have had a riding lesson, but since I missed my driving lesson I did that this week. Not that it matters all that much, but I wanted to drive.
Call me chicken, call me more interested in driving. I don't know for sure. I do know that driving is helping me more comfortable dealing with spooks. Really it does. It just tips my nerves up a notch, but not too much. If you remember from the video a few weeks back we need to move into the uncomfortable zone, but not so far in that we end up in the fear zone. For example, today I had to wait while R. did something outside the cart. Corrie wanted to back up. I felt that momentary nervousness because of a lack of control. I knew how to ask her to step forward. So I asked her. We had to do that a few time. She actually was fairly good, some issues, but R said I handled them well. It was little bit of nervousness, but that fact that I could it that helps me feel a little more in control.
I realized that is why I feel so afraid. I have that loss of control because I asked Abby to stop and she didn't. I don't know if I was not forceful enough, or she was just ignoring me or what. It is hard to think back to moments before I fell. I remember it all but analyzing exactly what when wrong is difficult. I do know remember feeling out of control.
R and I talked about Kinsey again. I swear I am starting to sound like Saturday morning breakfast with all my waffling. I think that maybe I should send her over to him for just a 2 week evaluation. He can get on her and see what she is really like and give me an honest evaluation of if she would be right for me or if I should sell her now. She is not a bad horse, she is actually a very good horse and probably has some hidden talent in there. But to be honest, I am not sure if she is still a good horse for me. If there is potential, then she can stay there for a little while, and she will be the next horse I start riding in lessons. If she just isn't going to be right for me, it is still early in the year and maybe I can find a nice home where she would be better used. If she is at R's then we have a round pen and a arena for people to try her in. The alternative is that she sit here for two years and becomes a 12 year old horse that has sat for two years and nobody wants. Honestly that is not fair to her or me. Meanwhile if the right horse did come around I could not get it because I have too many right now. Also working 3 horses a day, taking care of the house, working, and doing everything else that I have to do it really hard.
I will say that we have made some improvements. You can see in her picture, she is licking. Does a lot of thinking that one. (Ignore the rope around her neck, it is a long story and not very interesting) She is getting easier to catch, is doing really well with everything I am asking and I really enjoy working with her. It is just in the back of my mind I am thinking, "Is this a waste of time." Why put all the work into her when she is just not going to be a horse that I can ride when I could just take her to R. and find out. And when I could be putting that time into Ike or Madison. Ya know? To many horses not enough time.
After the lesson I came home and ground drove Ike. I had him pulling a little sled. We walked around and picked up branches and what not from around the yard so we had lots of "whoa" standing while I picked up sticks, scary sounds of dragging the sled across the driveway. All excellent stuff. He was nervous about the driveway, but after we went over it a few time he got much better. I have to order the shafts to fix my cart so I can actually drive whenever I want. That will be fun!